


I Never Promised You A Ray of Light

by post_tenebras_lux



Category: Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, Jenny's coming back...eventually, honestly writer's block is a bitch and i suck at tags, this is what happens when you have too many ideas in your head at once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-28 11:25:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13903026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/post_tenebras_lux/pseuds/post_tenebras_lux
Summary: What if Haley James hadn't lived her entire life in Tree Hill, but moved when she was young to New York with her family? What if she didn't have all those siblings, but a lot of cousins? What if Dan Humphrey had a twin sister?Haley James has spent the last nine months with a burgeoning not-friendship with Blair Waldorf, posing as a tutor/study-partner that never seems to mean as much to Blair unless they're alone and no one can see. But then Serena van der Woodsen returns from her self-imposed exile and without warning, Haley is dragged into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite. Will all of their dirty doings wind up driving the girl who claimed to never want this life insane? Or will their drama be the key to unlocking the truths about herself that Haley never knew existed?ON HOLD...for now.





	1. Prologue: Little J Goes Bye Bye!

“I’m not sure about this, Jenny,” Haley James exclaimed.

“And I’m not sure why not. It’ll be perfect.” Jenny stated it confidently, even though confident was the last thing Haley felt in regards to her baby sister’s recent decision. “Mom wants to stay here in Tree Hill and that’s fine. I’ll be with her to remind her that she wants to come home to us and Dad, and she gets to feel useful by letting Miss Karen oversee her catering business expansion. It’s not like I’ll be down here by myself and now, you won’t have to go home and tell him that mom’s down here by herself. It makes perfect sense.” Haley sighed and tossed Dan a pleading look, but all her twin brother could offer her was a shrug and lost expression.

That didn’t exactly help.

The truth was that to some extent, Tree Hill was always going to be home to the Humphreys. In the beginning years, when Haley and Dan were still toddlers, they had grown up in the small town located in North Carolina; Rufus conceding to his wife’s desire to be closer to her parents. By the time the twins were ten, Tree Hill was a distant memory in young Jenny’s life whereas Haley still considered Lucas Scott as her best friend in the entire world and Dan missed the scenic tranquility that came from their original small town lives.

Adjusting to the city had been a family venture and one that Alison Humphrey (nee. James) hadn’t been able to truly accept or acclimate to.  As an artist, she had loved the galleries and shows, and the connections she had been able to make. As a small town girl who had one day hoped to open up her own gallery in her childhood stomping grounds to one day bring modern art to a bustling yet private community, there was just something lacking about the hustle and bustle of the city. And sadly enough, that meant that neither her marriage nor her kids were able to keep her in New York forever.

Karen Roe’s invitation during this past summer to come back to Tree Hill because she needed an extra pair of hands at her café was just the excuse Alison had apparently needed. At the time, when she packed the kids up to go see their maternal grandparents and a few family members, the original plan had been for everyone to return the day before school started back up. Uniforms had been ordered while Haley hit up the beach with Dan and Lucas, books already set to be picked up when they returned, and the annual big breakfast menu prepared for Rufus to cook up just before they head off to school. But as the final leg of their trip approached, so did the realization that Alison wasn’t returning home.

And now, Jenny wasn’t either.

“I just think that you’re going to be missing out is all, J,” Haley tried reasoning. “It’s your freshman year. And having it in a new town with no one you know?”

“I know Lucas.” Haley’s face was unimpressed, but Jenny soldiered on, not even acknowledging it. “And honestly, freshman year is the perfect time, ya know? New school, new me. And you know what – you’re not even gonna miss me that much once you’re back with your _BFF_ , Blair, which now that I think about it, is a little unfair considering the fact that _I_ was the one fetching her cappuccinos and croissants.”

“Okay one – you chose to do Blair’s bidding, nobody forced you,” Haley pointed out. “Two, Blair and I are not BFFS…”

“I like how your not-BFF status was the second thing on the list.” Jenny retorted, but all she received about that in response was a sharp look.

“And three,” at that point, Haley turned her brown gaze to her brother, who had happily stayed out of this particular discussion, twirling a pen between his fingers. At Haley’s look, Dan damn near dropped it, tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. “Dan, help?”

“Thinkin’ she’s kinda made up her mind on this one, Hales.” Jenny grinned, triumphant. Haley glowered at him. Dan only stuck his tongue out at her, narrowly missing the throw pillow that was hurled his way.

They sat in the living room their grandparents’ old house, which was a pretty decent size considering the fact that their family was nowhere near as wealthy as their peers back in New York. It probably had something to do with cheaper housing in the southern states, but Haley was too distracted by the idea of leaving her baby sister behind to really think about it.

“Think of it this way – neither of our parents will have to be alone,” Jenny reasoned. “With Dad still thinking mom’s coming home with us, and mom not even sure what she wants to do, he’s gonna need you both in New York with him to deal with this. Mom’s not gonna have anybody.” Dan snorted.

“And whose fault is _that_ , Jenny?” Both of his sisters shot him displeased looks. Dan threw his hands up in mock surrender. “I’m just saying…at the end of the day, she _chose_ to be here by herself while her family is in another state, not the other way around.” This time, it was Jenny who threw a pillow. It also happened to connect with its target this time.

“Not the point.” Jenny exclaimed. “I just know that Dad’s gonna you – the _both_ of you.” It was a valid point, even if Haley hid her understanding with her nervous tick of running her hands through her long brown hair. Despite only being born a few hours after Dan, in theory, Haley was the middle child and acted the part. Jenny was the one who could be the trying child and Dan the brooding, which left Haley in the middle. Particularly when it came to their parents. Rufus and Alison had a deep love, sure, but they clashed more often than not, and so did Dan and Jenny. Leaving Haley as the peacemaker; the one everyone turned to in order to vent and maybe even see the other person’s point of view. It made her the dependable one, which wasn’t always something she liked but rather a fact she had ~~grudgingly~~ accepted. 

Haley wouldn’t do much good for Alison though, who required Jenny – the one who was just as spontaneous as she was. She didn’t want to be grounded; she wanted to feel free. Rufus, however, was going to need grounding when he realized that his wife was not coming home to him. The conversation made Haley sigh again, this time cradling her head in her hand while her elbow rested on the edge of the couch. Jenny crossed the space between them to plop herself beside her sister, wrapping her arms around the brunette.

“I mean, if this is what you really want, J,” she stated. Jenny smiled, squeezing the older girl.

“It is and it’s gonna be fine, I promise. And who knows, maybe by the time I convince mom to come home, you’ll be officially Blair’s partner in crime and Dan lands a date.” Haley grinned through Dan getting the two pillows he had been attacked with to pummel their little sister, but she also knew the truth. Since the summer began, Haley had had a feeling that things were going to change. It hadn’t just been the fact that her mother found an excuse to come to Tree Hill and stay in Tree Hill, or even the fact that Karen was going to come up from Tree Hill to New York to expand her catering business. It was just a shift in the wind, a random thought that struck her while excitedly talking to Lucas when she packed for the trip. She hadn’t known that she would lose both her sister and her mother. She hadn’t know that there was a sure chance that her parents were going to be separated for a lot longer than her father seemed to believe. She had just known that change was going to come.

It just so happened that Haley was also sure that more change was still coming.  She just didn’t know if she was going to be prepared for it.


	2. You Were Supposed to Be Comforting Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School is back in session, apparently Serena van der Woodsen is back, Chuck Bass has seriously chosen the wrong girl to fuck with, and Nate Archibald has a request Haley might regret later on.

The thing with Blair wasn’t as serious as Jenny had tried to make it seem. It was cut and dry if you asked Haley. Which probably also meant that no one should trust Haley James if she really thought things were ever that simple on the Upper East Side. The only reason Haley and Dan had even qualified for Constance Billard and St. Jude’s was because of their test scores. Neither of them had the financial background to get them admitted into the school without a scholarship, nor the connections to get accepted without impressive recommendation letters and scores.

 Granted, Alison and Rufus still had to scrounge up enough for supplies, books, and uniforms while tossing a little bit of extra change for the rest of the tuition (which was the big reason why Haley volunteered to work Karen’s Café during the summers and now that Karen was opening another in New York), but they got in and Haley worked her ass off to prove that it was worth it. Jenny joked that the two of them were born with the brains, though it still stood to reason that she herself would not have been accepted (before her refusal to attend, that is) had it not been for some kind of Humphrey smarts.

All of that to say that Haley had only become truly acquainted with Blair because Blair had demanded a tutor. Yep, didn’t ask – no, Blair Waldorf didn’t ask for anything. She _demanded_. And Haley had half the mind to refuse her because the last thing she would ever allow anyone to call her is a doormat. Sure, much like Dan, Haley had grown accustomed to staying under the radar and drawing as little attention to herself as possible, but she wasn’t some weak, meek little thing that cowed in the face of those with superiority complexes. Haley liked to believe that she was a strong, independent young woman who was sure of herself and her priorities, and would not bow down just to anyone.

But Haley was also sympathetic and had too big of a heart. At least, that was what Dan had said when he got her to admit that the reason she was cancelling on their dinner plans was because she was going to Blair Waldorf’s for homework. She was a sucker for anyone who was trying to get into an Ivy League like she was and considering the fact that Blair wasn’t taking _no_ for an answer – and Haley _really_ didn’t need any problems during sophomore year – it had seemed less like defeat and more like a logical maneuver. At least, that’s what she told herself. Plus, it had been an eyebrow-raising request and Haley minded her business on most days, but it didn’t stop her from occasionally being nosy.

As far as Haley had been concerned, Blair was smart. Of course, her wealth enabled her to learn more languages than Haley reasonably could and learn about other cultures through various, unnecessary trips to other countries – but she was a smart girl. And unlike a few of her minions and peers, Blair was just as independent as Haley was, which meant – despite Haley’s preconceptions – that Blair wasn’t of the mind to just convince some poor social climber to do the work for her. She did it herself…and demanded nothing but perfection from herself, even if it meant admitting to needing a little help and reassurance that she was doing it right.

Somehow, though, she had become both a sort of confidant _and_ tutor/partner-in-homework-crime. Or some weird, quirky name Jenny had come up with in her spare time.

_“You know there are only a handful of people in this world who can convince me to skip out on sundae nights for them, right?” Haley inquired, albeit playfully, as she heard the telltale sound of someone descending the spiral staircase of the Waldorf penthouse, shaking off the self-consciousness that crept up her spine every time she visited the perfectly poised brunette. Despite having been at the penthouse on numerous and sometimes secretive occasions, Haley had yet to grow used to the splendor and opulence of a home she knew she would never be able to call her own. Not long after, Blair Waldorf – decked out in an ensemble that Haley wouldn’t be able to pull off even in her dreams – arrived at the bottom of the staircase, delicately arched eyebrow raised._

_“Is that your way of saying that you_ didn’t _miss me?” She asked. Haley tossed her a look._

 _“Is that your way of admitting that_ you _missed_ me _?” Haley shot back and Blair rolled her eyes, but the fact that the soft smile remained on her face made Haley’s chest feel warm even as the brunette continued on to the formal living room. Shaking her head, Haley followed the gorgeous girl into the great room where she was surprised to find a platter of elegantly crafted snacks and hot tea. “And suddenly, you’re forgiven for dragging me away from ice cream sundaes made from homemade ice cream and caramel sauce with my Dad. What is all of this?”_

_Blair shrugged at first as she took a seat at one of the chairs with far more grace than Haley’s left pinky did, but Haley stared at her, imploring, and sat on the sofa. As if to busy herself with something, Blair reached for one of the macarons; it was a delicate, ballet-slipper-pink piece of decadence she was surely going to regret before the day was over, colored by the pulverized, freeze-dried strawberries that flavored it with fluffy vanilla bean Swiss meringue buttercream in the middle. “Apparently, Serena might be back for good.”_

_Haley had known that. Unlike Dan, who received his Gossip Girl notifications via his phone because he was just like the rest of their posh classmates no matter what he said, Haley liked being able to read them on the computer. The biggest reason behind that was because she found Gossip Girl contrived and boring. Yes, it was secretly awe-inspiring to know what was happening in the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite and after dealing with half of them sneering down their noses at her and her plain features, and the other half literally not knowing she existed until it was time to pick up their grades before mommy and/or daddy found it – it was actually nice to know that things weren’t as great in their lives as she had thought. That cynical part of her found amusement in it, but the more dominant part of Haley’s mind simply believed that she learned as much as she needed to learn during the day._

_They all went to school together and Haley was quiet, unnoticeable if you asked the right people. And she heard things. There was her proof there. Why give attention to someone who was beginning to more and more read like a stalker simply because they were airing out even more dirty laundry? But she had read about Serena. Dan admitted, once they were home and cleaning up the dishes from their waffle extravaganza (which she definitely teased Jenny for missing), to having seen the elusive blonde first. Haley’s first thought had been of Blair and how it must have affected her._

_And when she had come to truly care for the queen of Constance’s halls, Haley wouldn’t be able to say._

_“And…you’re okay with that?” Blair shrugged again, the perfect picture of fake nonchalance._

_“Why wouldn’t I be?” Haley didn’t say anything; she just stared at the girl. Huffing, Blair decided to add, “Well, I’m not exactly revving up the welcoming committee right now, if that means anything.”_

_“Well, why not?” Haley asked._

_At the end of the day, no matter how frustrated Blair wanted to act nor how much she wanted to pretend that Haley’s purpose in her home wasn’t to be her ear, that was exactly what Haley’s purpose was. They did this quite often. Haley would point out at some point that they were supposed to be working on chemistry (Blair’s worst subject) or history, but they’d always wind up going back to whatever happened to bother Blair for the day and – on even rarer occasions – what was going on with both of their home lives._

_“She left and she didn’t even consider saying goodbye,” Blair explained after a while. She picked up another macaron – this time a white macaron shell Haley remembered was made from hazelnuts and almonds with a sweet bonus of nutty flavor in the chocolate Frangelico ganache that sat in the middle – and took a bite out of it. Haley could only imagine how long it was going to take for her to convince the girl who seemingly had everything to not do what she was going to do after ingesting so many sweets with her. Blair didn’t even look her in the eye. “And the me from last year would’ve jumped at the chance to welcome her best friend back with open arms, waiting to hear all about her scandalous tales from boarding school and who she might have hooked up with but…but all I could do when I saw her was paint on a smile like she was one of my mother’s many associates, not at all like a longtime companion.”_

_Blair stared at the platter for a long while before she added, quietly, “It didn’t even feel like I was doing it, and definitely not as Serena van der Woodsen’s best friend. It was this weird, out of body experience where I felt everything happening around me – like time had slowed – and I could hear myself talking and acting in a way that was appropriate and not too out of character from the second I got that Gossip Girl blast. But it didn’t feel like_ me _.” Finally, she turned distant, probing eyes on Haley. “Do you ever feel like that?”_

_“Every day,” was the answer at the tip of Haley’s tongue._

_“From time to time,” ended up being what she actually said, smile thin and wan. It was hard to put into words – without sounding ridiculously depressing – that there was always a disconnect present in almost everything that Haley did. She went about her day to day just going through the motions, doing what was expected – what she was sure_ everyone else _thought was right. To the point that it never felt like_ she _was doing it – just some carbon copy of herself performing all the actions she’s supposed to: distract Jenny from her mom taking longer and longer trips to Tree Hill, cook dinner and take care of the loft so that Rufus didn’t feel like he was as alone as he was, be the sympathetic ear for Dan and keep him steady, make sure all of her grades were in tip top shape, etc._

_And as much as she and Blair did, in fact, talk about a good amount of things – both inconsequential and rather intimate – there was something in Haley that clung to that inner turmoil, wrapped it tightly with a bow deep inside of herself so that Blair wouldn’t see. So, that no one would see._

_“But that happens,” Haley added after a few pensive moments, reaching over to cover one of Blair’s hands with her own. “She’s back now and…I won’t lie and tell you that it’ll be easy because it probably won’t, but I feel like if you truly want to make a relationship work, then you’ll do whatever it takes.” Leave it to Blair, however, to not want to focus on not talking about her feelings for too long. It always happened, which was why Haley shouldn’t have been surprised. Nevertheless, she was when Blair popped the last of the macaron in her mouth and then shifted in her chair, painting on a smile before asking:_

_“How’s your mom?”_

“Ya know, you should warn me the next time you want to include me on one of your Shakespeare rewrites because act one, scene one of MacBitch is not exactly my cup of tea,” Haley announced upon her arrival into Blair’s bedroom. The girl in question, still donning a much classier and more refined version of the uniform on Haley’s body, sat curled up on her chaise lounge in the corner of her room with a shit-eating grin and her phone in hand.

“Actually, that sounds like something I’d actually like, seeing how my favorite play by Shakespeare is still Romeo and Juliet,” Blair retorted cheerily and Haley glowered at her.

“Blair!” Haley tossed her backpack to the ground. Her auburn hair seemed windblown and disturbed, as if she had been running or walking very quickly (which she probably was judging by the way she was breathing), no longer pin straight and monotonous. It was one of the things Blair whined about in her spare time. Haley’s hair was soft and easy to manage with more potential than Haley seemed to know what to do with, but she had never been the type to worry too much about stuff like that. She cared for Jenny’s hair, though. Influenced the girl to care, too. But if Blair could ever get her hands on those silky reddish-brown locks – and honestly, get her hands on _all of that_ – she could perform miracles.

Never let it be said that Humphreys aren’t stubborn.

“Why did you lie and say that there were no invitations left for your party?” Blair did not answer. She didn’t feel as if she needed to, which probably wasn’t fair in regards to her knowing Haley well enough to know that that was not going to fly. “I helped you make those invitations, Blair. All night long – I know how many invitations were left when we sent them off. I went home late because I was helping you.” At that, Blair had the audacity to both feel and look guilty. It was the only reason why Haley bothered to soften her demand: “Why did you lie?”

“Because, as I explained on the steps if you had paid any attention, Humphrey, I didn’t know that she would have been home in time for the event,” Blair stated. It was a lame excuse and she knew it, but didn’t feel like being corrected. “What? I needed those twenty four hours to prepare myself before Serena decided to hide-and-go-seek her way back to Manhattan, and she didn’t give me that. I don’t feel entitled to just give her a free pass.”

“And what happened to doing whatever it takes?”

“ _Your_ words.” Blair pointed out. “I never agreed to that.” Haley was notably unimpressed so Blair huffed loudly, not even bothering to pretend as if she was as interested in the magazine in front of her as she had been. “Well, if you must know, we are meeting tonight…or whatever.” Haley felt the smile creeping on her face.

“Good. Don’t try to skip it,” she threatened mildly.

Very pointedly, she ignored Blair’s insistent “I won’t” in favor of sitting on the edge of the bed, opening her backpack to pull out a textbook. Naturally, though, it wouldn’t be Blair if she didn’t pretend as if Haley hadn’t started coming over for the very things she began to pull out of her bag.

“Ugh, _really_ , Tutor Girl?” Blair whined.

“ _Ugh_ , Blair, _that_ name? Really?” She shot back. Haley hated that nickname and Blair knew it.

“I thought you were supposed to be comforting me.” Haley rolled her eyes, setting the notebook with her notes from earlier in the day before the prim brunette.

“And I thought you wanted help on pre-calc,” Haley retorted smartly and Blair pouted, grumbling about her being the bossy one. Haley chuckled, pulling her glasses out while saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t pretend like your version of me comforting you won’t consist of copious amounts of chocolate and you forcing me to help you figure out what you’re wearing tomorrow night. Now, get to it. You have a date that I won’t let you miss.”

 

OOOOOoooooOOOOO

 

The other thing about this thing with Blair was that just as much as Haley was confused about what it was, Blair seemed to be as well. At least, that’s how it read to Haley. On the one hand, it was obvious that Haley wasn’t a part of this in-crowd. She didn’t hang out with Chuck – which, thank God, because Haley might kill him – or Nate, and Blair didn’t really like her lingering too long around Kati, Isabel, and Penelope. The triad of minions – all clamoring to gain Blair’s approval and number one spot at her side despite it notably being left open for a certain blonde – weren’t exactly fans of Haley unless they were trying to score test answers, or pointers on how to impress a certain teacher to get better grades. Well, perhaps it was just Isabel and Penelope; Kati seemed to be the only one in that particular group who showed that her parents’ money for a top-notch education wasn’t completely to waste.

At the end of the day, it was a confusing mess of will-they-won’t-they with Haley not being publically someone Blair Waldorf could call a friend, but fulfilling the duties behind closed doors anyway. _Until she makes up with Serena, that is_ , a nasty voice in her head said, and Haley rarely had the will to tell it to go away. Because there was some truth in that thought, even if Haley wanted to deny it. She was a replacement until Blair and Serena went back to being B and S, Gossip Girl’s favorite relationship to blog about, even more so than any of the romantic entanglements that frequently claimed everyone’s attention. No one even really acknowledged her unless Blair did first and even then it was this fake, distant greeting or small talk that made Haley want to vomit on their Jimmy Choos.

Which was why she was shocked as all hell when Nate Archibald waltzed into her tutoring room.

“Hey,” Nate greeted, half sheepish, half acting as if they had ever really spoken more than two words to one another in the past. He was nice, don’t get her wrong. Even if he didn’t speak, he’d look surprised when he saw her in Blair’s bedroom instead of the great room, nod in greeting with a kind smile, and ask his girlfriend for a minute or two of her time.

“Can I help you?” Haley asked suspiciously, immediately regretting it but uncomfortable with retracting at this point. She could’ve offered a better greeting than that, though. Nate didn’t look too offended, luckily. In fact, it made his smile widen, which…wow, _not fair_.

“I’m hoping you can…actually.” He scratched the back of his head and Haley didn’t always try to read into everything, but she was pretty sure that that was…a nervous tick? Was Nate nervous? “Listen…you’re, uh, Blair’s tutor, right?”

“Yeeessssssss.” Haley didn’t mean to drag it out like that, but Nate wasn’t cute enough – and yes, she thought he was cute; she would be ridiculously obtuse and untrue if she denied that – to have her standing around when free period was almost up.

“Good…’cause I kinda need a tutor myself.”

“Yeah, no.”

Haley didn’t even bother dignifying that with an explanation. There were a host of other students – students at St. Jude’s, for starters – who qualified as decent tutors. Much like her, Dan was the second in his class with the highest grade point average and testing scores. Haley was a helpful person, yes, she never denied that. But she wasn’t stupid and she wasn’t exactly trying to end her life before it even started. And the thought of getting involved in _any_ way with Nate Archibald…it wasn’t a thought Haley felt like entertaining.

“Haley, please,” he pressed, stopping her from gathering her papers on the cherry wood table, but Haley stopped the second she heard her name fall from his lips, staring at the much taller junior. “I’m begging you.”

“Huh.” The sound came out of her throat in a combination of both surprise and derision, and Nate seemed to shift on his feet in discomfort when he heard it. “You actually know my name. And here I thought you all only knew me as Tutor Girl.”

“I-I mean, Blair has mentioned…it several times,” he managed and …huh. That was humbling. Out of all the years of them all going to school together, Haley didn’t recall Nathaniel Archibald even remotely knowing what the concept of stuttering was, let alone actually being able to pull it off. “And, to be honest, I think she kinda likes you.” That made Haley want to smile, though she’d deny it if asked because she shook her head to rid herself of the happy feelings. “Which is why I need you as a tutor, if you don’t mind. There’s…” He paused. “…there’s a lot going on and my picking up this grade in chemistry – hell, _in any class_ – makes my transcript for Dartmouth look a lot better than it looks right now.”

 _Like your Dad can’t get you in in a heartbeat_ , Haley thought, feeling and sounding more like Dan than she knew she had the right to, instantly being swarmed with her guilt for having had the thought. To some extent, it wasn’t fair. She was allowed her bitterness at knowing that so many of her peers could get dream jobs and careers simply because of who their parents were and who they knew, while kids like Haley and Dan had to work their asses to the bone to get a quarter of what those other kids received. At the same time, as her relationship to Blair made her realize, she didn’t know everything. Which was why she tried to dispel as much of Dan’s bad attitude about the rich kids who apparently weren’t Serena Van der Woodsen as she could, even if it meant denying herself the right to speak her mind or feel what she felt.

“Look, even if I wanted to help you –” _I really don’t_ , she thought at him. “– I can’t. Blair would kill me if she knew I was even talking to you without her present and don’t give me that look, Archibald, you know I’m right. She declares treason every time someone breathes in your direction…not that you haven’t earned it.”

Haley realized her mistake when Nate’s eyes widened. She forgot that people didn’t know that Blair talked about a lot more than mathematics and history with her. At, least not _just_ the history they had to memorize in class. Which meant Haley shouldn’t know that Nate slept with Serena last year.

“I…uh…I deserved that,” Nate lamented and Haley was ready to be done with the conversation, a given considering she had went back to gathering her things and sliding her bag over her shoulder. Before she could round the table though, Nate grabbed her wrist, his entire hand enveloping the tiny thing. Haley gasped and her pulse jumped there. “I’ll tell her. I’ll tell her upfront about it, that way you don’t have to.”

“Nate…”

“Please…Haley, please,” he exclaimed, peering down at her with desperate, deep blue eyes. “I’m begging you.” A stretch of time passed and before either of them knew it, the bell rang, signaling that people were leaving classes and headed for new ones. Haley bit her lower lip, tried to talk herself out of it, and found herself conceding before she could take it back.

“Fine…fine, I’ll help you,” she told him. “But _you_ better not miss a session like this asshole just did. And you better tell her.”

 

OOOOOoooooOOOOO

 

“Don’t follow me,” Blair hissed and slammed into the club’s bathroom, not bothering to glance back at neither Kati nor Isabel. Two of the three girls, upon seeing her, hurried to leave. The third – for good reason – didn’t even pretend to flinch, just went back to wiping the lipstick off of her mouth and anticipating climbing back into her bed once Dan got her home. Blair froze then. “What in the hell happened to you?”

“Chuck,” Haley answered testily, releasing her hair from the chignon Blair had recommended as she recalled the events from earlier.

_Honestly, by the thirty minute mark, Haley needed some air and honestly to slip warm blankets with a mug of chamomile tea, and Gavin DeGraw in her ear. Needless to say, by the time an hour had passed, Haley was officially ready to go and hadn’t yet only because she had not driven to the party. One of her associates, Gabby, found out that Haley was invited and thought they should ride together in some rich kid’s limo – mostly because she thought she needed support in the plan of hooking up with the guy before the night was out. It was gross and Haley knew she wasn’t riding back with her. She just also knew she wasn’t going to be able to just leave as freely without walking, considering she had left her wallet on the counter. So, she had text Dan, promising to make it up to him because she was sure she was messing up his date with Serena. Which probably explained why she was testy when she realized Chuck Bass had begun to approach her._

_Or maybe that was what happened when Chuck approached anyone with a modicum of common sense._

_“Hi, I’m Chuck,” he introduced, voice surprisingly still audible yet low, another layer underneath the booming music she normally never listened to. Haley, arms folded over her chest, stared at him, unimpressed._

_“Ew.”_

_“Come now, I was just coming over to say that I noticed how completely ravishing you looked from across the room.”_

_“Like I said, ew.”_

_Haley refused to give much of anything up to him, even though she felt her cheeks flush without her permission at the rather cheesy compliment. It was what Jenny had said the dress would do, after all. Jenny hadn’t packed all of her things and while her sister was notably skinnier than Haley, she was tall and slender in a way that she was going to elegantly grow into. It sucked. Haley (and Dan, even if he hated hearing it) received the shorter genes, which was why the dress she was currently wearing surprised the hell out of her the first time._

_The soft black material Jenny had been working on over the summer hugged every single one of Haley’s curves, making her skin seem creamier. Where it would have been a little looser on Jenny until she altered it, it was snug on Haley, showcasing her cleavage which wasn’t all that considering her petite frame, but was rather attractive when one considered the fact that Jenny’s body was still learning what filling out meant. Blair had given her stamp of approval, though, raising an eyebrow before nodding when she had seen Haley at the bar with a classmate. Combine the dress with heels that made her legs look longer and dangling earrings she was never going to tell Jenny she stole (mostly because Jenny was never getting them back), Haley looked and felt different. A strangely good different – a powerful different. She felt like a whole new woman._

_And like she had every right to turn Chuck Bass away._

_“Sexy and sassy, I like,” Chuck purred and Haley fought the urge to shudder, watching him quaff the remainder of his liquor. “And what might your name be, beautiful?” Haley stared at him, incredulous, before shaking her head. She shouldn’t be upset or surprised that another classmate didn’t care to learn her name after the years they had attended meetings together because the junior class worked on so many projects, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t._

_“Uninterested.” Was her final answer…at least, she was making it so, because Haley turned immediately away, not noticing the frown that marred his ridiculously smarmy, attractive face as she approached the staircase she had been eyeing. She was told it led to a rooftop and since it was going to take Dan a minute to get to her, Haley figured that outside with fresh air not tainted by the stench of alcohol and sweat was better than being hit on by guys who would never give her the time of day if they didn’t have alcohol in their system._

_On the roof, however, she should have known that the relative peace she found there wasn’t going to last for long. Haley leaned against the cool brick, arms still folded over her chest as she observed the New York City lights until she heard the sound of the rooftop door opening._

_“If all you wanted was some privacy, I would have been happy to oblige, sweetheart,” Chuck drawled from where he was and he couldn’t see her face, but Haley was definitely rolling her eyes._

_“Oh my God,” she muttered to herself, rubbing the bridge of her nose before answering: “I thought you would’ve gotten the hint when I came up here. Alone.” She heard the door close and naively thought that Chuck would have left – just given her her damn space and moved on to someone more interested. However, when Haley rounded the corner, Chuck was already strolling towards her, a lazy cockiness to his gait that made her want to punch him._

_“Playing hard to get…that’s a flavor I haven’t had in a while.”_

_“Lucky for you, I never play. I mean it,” Haley insisted and tried to walk past him, and back to very place she had longed to escape only if it meant away from him, but Chuck clearly didn’t agree because he was suddenly gripping her wrist and Haley was yanked back. Fear spiked through her, disintegrating all thoughts of home and comfort as Haley steadily glared at Chuck, trying not to waver in the face of a situation she had never been in before._ He doesn’t want you _, she reminded herself._ It’s just alcohol. _“Hey, let me go right now, Chuck. I’m serious.”_

_“Lucky for you,” he drawled, mocking her, pulling her close as she struggled. “I’m always ready to play.” Haley didn’t think. All she saw was Chuck staring intently at her mouth, smelled the liquor on his breath, and she acted. Her free hand jerked back and then her fist collided with his right cheek. Shocked, Chuck released her and staggered back. But it didn’t take him long for the surprise to melt away and be replaced with rage._

_Haley didn’t move fast enough. She was already backing away, but not one step later and Chuck had her arms in a bruising grip. The world seemed to spin and then Haley found herself back against the brick wall from before, its roughness abrading the soft skin of her back and Chuck Bass’ hands a bruising force on her arms. “Get off of me,” she yelled, hoping that absolutely anyone would hear._

_“You’re going to pay for that, you little bitch.”_

_Haley should have felt insulted that Chuck felt entitled to her attention and body, but her mind fixated on the insult hurled her way – so much so that the sound of the rooftop door slamming open and her name in the wind both roared in her ears as loudly as the blood that rushed through her. “Get,” she drove a heel into one of Chuck’s feet, which made him howl, “off me!” At that exclamation, and without giving him much time to recover, Haley drove a knee into Chuck’s groin hard, forcing him to really release her. She didn’t wait for him to fall to his knees in pain; Haley punched him in the face again, wincing at the bright spark of pain that flared across her knuckles, sending him flat on his ass._

_The world spun again and Haley felt herself try to shove at someone – probably Dan himself – until she heard him whisper, “I’ve got you, Hales,” and only then did the sob escape her throat. Haley found herself in the warm embrace of golden hair and a jasmine scent only to realize it was Serena, watching in distant shock as they both hissed warnings to Chuck after Dan added insult to injury by clocking the guy in the eye the second he tried to stand. It would’ve made Haley cry out in any other day, but she only watched in mild satisfaction, letting them both whisk her away until they were all clamoring down the steps and she realized why she felt so unsteady._

_Haley was shaking._

_“I’m going to the bathroom,” she said, not even sure she had said it. She didn’t see the exchanged looks of concern from Serena and Dan._

_“Hales, maybe we should wait until we –”_

_“Just go,” she snapped, trying to convince her body to calm down already. She was in shock, she was aware of that. She just needed to keep breathing._

_And not feel the weight of her brother’s worry on her shoulders._

_“I’ll be out in a minute.”_

“Chuck’s an ass…though I never took him for that much of an ass,” Blair said, observing the bruises forming on the pale skin of her friend’s upper arms. “This party’s a dud anyway…do you want to come back to mine? At least, then all of this won’t be a complete and total waste.” Haley paused, taking in the worry and pity she could see on the girl’s face through the mirror.

“No, you should try to enjoy your party before the night is over,” she insisted and pretended as if she didn’t see the hint of disappointment in Blair’s frown, which made her blurt out the explanation. “I actually can’t anyway. Dan and Serena came running from their date for me…I kinda can’t have made him come all this way just to send him home alone.”

Blair stared at her funny for a moment too long.

“Is that the reason why she was here?”

“Yeah, of course, why – did you think she came to bust your party?” Blair didn’t answer and Haley found the act of rolling her eyes, utterly focused on this moment, enough of an excuse to calm her body down. She noted, triumphant, that her hands weren’t shaking. She just also noticed that there was an exhaustion settling in her down to the bone. “Look, I can assure you that she came for me and is leaving as we speak, and will be officially gone once I am out this door…just…” Haley took the few steps it took to get to the brunette with the soft curls and flawless makeup while she herself looked like a wreck, taking a hand into hers. “Enjoy your night, Blair. Spend time with your boy. You deserve it.”

Getting home, though – after Dan’s weak ass attempt at a casual but hopeful goodbye to Serena that gave Haley secondhand embarrassment, a hot shower, and Dan’s fifth attempt at getting her to talk about the night – she almost wished she took Blair up on her offer to spend the night.

It was the first time she had ever extended the offer, after all.


	3. The Wild Brunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, when Haley told Nate to tell Blair about their deal, he didn't exactly believe that she meant to actually tell her. But it's okay - Haley has a few choice words for him anyway.

“Oddly enough, watching Clarissa Beauchamp dance topless on the bar, singing Britney Spears, was the highlight of the night,” Blair admitted and Haley laughed, pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose as she stared into her laptop screen. Giggling from the memory, Blair took a moment to observe the girl on the other side of the screen, noting the exhaustion in her eyes and the way Haley occasionally rubbed at the part of her arm above her elbow.

 

Contrary to popular belief – the belief being Haley’s and Haley’s alone – the scholarship student wasn’t unattractive at all. Plain, perhaps, but that seemed to be of her own doing as opposed to anything she might say. Her skin was fair, only slightly paler than Blair’s own after Blair had had a summer in Italy, and her eyes were an only slightly lighter shade of brown than Blair’s – big and doe-eyed, a look that, if ever Haley decided to use her features to her advantage, could get her whatever and whomever she wanted. Her hair was something Blair had already vented about several times and last night had been the first time Haley had actually listened to her; the up-do had emphasized the slenderness of her neck, which led to sloping shoulders that slumped enough times for Blair to hear her own mother chastising her for letting the girl slump in the first place. Combine all that with the fact that Blair genuinely thought Haley’s body was better than hers – slimmer, more petite with a much more defined waist line, from what Blair could see past the slightly oversized uniforms and tee shirts – and that Haley was the perfect height for any girl – not too short, or at least, as short as Blair - and you had a girl with so much more potential than she seemed to realize.

 

 _Perhaps that was for the best, though_ , Blair thought. The thought caused an immediate swell of shame in her, even though she was aware that her thought wasn’t just tinged with envy. Admiration that someone could be pretty without even trying and would probably become a force to be reckoned with if she ever put in the effort. No, the overarching belief behind the thought was that it was for the best that Haley had yet to learn to apply makeup or fix up her appearance more because then she would know how to hide the almost imperceptible shadows beneath her eyes.

 

“But on a much more serious note, how are you?” She inquired, watching with narrowed eyes as Haley’s own flitted away uncomfortably before the girl shifted on her perch, shrugging. Blair scoffed, “Please! After your night of not-pleasure, I’m rather certain you feel a lot more than _that_ , Tutor Girl.” The look Haley tossed her was scathing at best.

 

“Is that…is that what _Chuck_ is calling it?” Haley asked. There was an underlying emotion Blair couldn’t really decipher, but the genuine curiosity in her voice coupled with the rage Chuck Bass recounted the girl had from the night before made Blair take a deep breath before she sighed.

 

“Chuck…definitely has a propensity for sharing, in excruciating detail, the tales of his conquest,” Blair admitted and Haley’s entire face darkened. Yep, definitely rage. “But never his victims.”

 

“I bet not.”

 

There was no excuse Blair could make for Chuck or anything that was going to make Haley feel avenged. It had little to do with the fact that Chuck, Serena, and Nate had been friends with Blair for close to the entirety of their lives, but with Bart Bass. Regardless of if Blair found Chuck’s doings repulsive or not (she did), there were only two other incidents where Chuck had honestly been in a similar predicament; one was when a girl had point blankly lied because she didn’t want to admit to her father that she had to take her purity ring off willingly, the other in a situation nearly identical to Haley’s. If the girls attempted to bring the situation to the public eye, Bart Bass squashed it with minimal damage to the family name and reputation, and a hefty deposit in that last girl’s family’s bank account. Haley couldn’t be bought, that much was certain. However, there wasn’t much Blair could do for her, especially when Chuck also had a bad habit of feeling more entitled than even Blair did. He still didn’t think it would’ve been sexual assault, which Blair had called him disgusting for.

 

“I’m just…” Haley paused then, going through the motions of running her hands through her hair before having to come to a stop at where her scrunchie sat. Exhaling heavily, she stared at a pencil on her desk – well, what used to be her and Jenny’s computer desk – before she could speak again. “I don’t know…last night was the first time anything like that had ever happened to me. And I should feel repulsed – I do feel repulsed and I don’t even know what I’m gonna do when I see that lowlife again…but…” She struggled, not with the words because – from what Blair could see – some part of Haley knew exactly what she wanted to say. She was struggling with the act of saying it.

 

“But what?”

 

“I feel alive,” Haley stated, still not looking at Blair. Her eyes were still on the pencil. “I don’t know, Blair…something like that happens and instead of crying like I think Dan still expects me to do – like I expect me to do, I feel…like it was the first time that I’ve really felt alive…powerful.” Finally, she returned Blair’s blank gaze. “Is that weird?”

 

It had been the thing that had plagued Haley over the course of the night, lending to the tossing and turning she had succumbed to before finally deciding to just work on homework until she managed to doze off into a fitful slumber. She wasn’t haunted by what Chuck had done or almost done. Surprisingly, she couldn’t really focus on that. It was the adrenaline that had spiked in the midst of it all – the natural fight-or-flight switch in her brain that had automatically gone to fight instead of flight like she expected – that left her deep in thought and unable to rest. Haley had always been aware of the temper she had received from her mother, but the propensity for violence was something she had not known of. Or maybe she had but she had pushed it away in favor of remaining in the constant: the constant being that she was the spokesperson for “just walk away, Dan, it’s not worth it.” The safe.

 

What she had done last night had not been safe. Well, it had saved her, that much was certain. But it wasn’t what she was used to and it was daunting – this idea that there was something more beneath the surface. Something hidden even from herself. She had thought that she was content with playing her role and going through the motion, but last night had been the first time that she hadn’t watched from the sidelines as the girl who was supposed to be Haley acted without hesitation. No, she was that girl who had acted and it was invigorating.

 

It was also terrifying, but for reasons Haley just couldn’t figure out.

 

Haley hated mysteries.

 

“Maybe you’re just stronger than you think.” Blair speaking snatched her out of her thoughts, but Blair was too busy lost in her own, recounting only minutes ago her thoughts that it would be best for Haley to not know her potential on a physical level. Perhaps there was something there on a spiritual or mental one that neither had ever considered before.

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Haley hummed. She shook her head after she heard Dan moving around in his bedroom, giving her friend a half smile. “Forget about that. What about this annual brunch thing you’re going to?” She refused to include that it was Chuck Bass’ family who held it every year.

 

“Completely posh and over the top,” Blair commented and Haley grinned at the happy recollection she could see on the girl’s face. “I don’t know what I’m looking forward to most – the mimosas or the frittata squares. They are marvelous!” She sang and Haley laughed, spotting her phone lighting up. Blair’s did at the same time, though she wasn’t paying attention. “I gotta go. The doorman just informed me that S is coming up as we speak.”

 

“That should be fun,” Haley replied wryly.

 

“Ha!” Blair rolled her eyes at her phone and set it down, looking up to see Haley furiously typing something on her phone’s keypad. “Want me to save you a plate for later?”

 

“Ummmm…can’t. I, uh, have an actual tutoring session scheduled, not a social call.”

 

“Ouch,” Blair whined through probing eyes. “Anyone I know?” Blair knew Haley was going to lie before any words left her mouth. It happened in a blink, but Haley peered at her from beneath her lashes, head bowed just slightly. The next blink and the girl was shrugging with a small smile. They both knew that Blair was not a fan of secrets.

 

“No one special.” Blair didn’t say anything after that and Haley shifted again. “Look, I gotta go and get started on my own breakfast. Try not to kill Serena – my brother actually likes her, by the way – and try to enjoy the brunch for the both of us.”

 

“Well, at least your brother has good taste,” Blair remarked. “Can’t exactly say it’s the same vice versa.” Haley feigned an affronted look.

 

“Rude.”

* * *

 

“An atom is a unit of matter made up of what subatomic particles?” Haley inquired, eyes trained on the notes she had gathered. However, there was no answer. Sighing, she looked up to see Nathaniel Archibald staring into space, reclined in his seat on the couch at Karen’s Café.

 

Haley had figured that it was a neutral enough location to not run the risk of Blair coming to his place to curse him out and avoid Gossip Girl since the café didn’t open until tomorrow. It wasn’t a location on Gossip Girl’s map just yet, but the fact that it was on Fifth Avenue meant that it was bound to be on the blogger’s radar once the socialites flocked to it. It was a surprising location for Karen’s realtor to pick out but from what Haley was told, it was picked because although they dined at some of the most exclusive places in the world, even the filthy rich liked quaint, quiet places with home-cooked meals and sweets not always served in their own homes. Karen’s Café was the perfect mix of simplistic down-home eating and modernity from the way the place was set up.

 

With a pang, it reminded Haley so much of Tree Hill, but also of New York, but of course, she couldn’t really focus on that when Nathaniel Archibald was zoning out on her during the tutoring session he asked for.

 

“Nate?” At that, he flinched and straightened up, eyes shifting from hers guiltily. Sighing again, Haley fought the impulse to roll her eyes. “Did you really just ask me here to waste my time because I gave up leftover waffles and potatoes for you and I –?”

 

“No…no, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Today’s just been…a really long day and I still have to talk to Blair…and I really don’t know what to do about Serena…”

 

Haley stared at him for several seconds, face inscrutable. Then she grabbed the textbook they were supposed to both be focused on, holding it open for him to see.

 

“Do you see this book?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “This book is me and I am chemistry.” Nate was perturbed, nose scrunched up slightly as he peered at her over the book. They were sat across from one another; Nate was on the couch, Haley in the chair on the other side of the table.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

 “It means that while chemistry could probably give you a thousand reasons – or excuses, on _your_ part as to why you chemically are going through the things you’re going through with girls you _shouldn’t_ be going through this with since you _only_ ever technically dated one –”

 

“Now, wait a minute –”

 

“All your bluster and BS don’t mean a thing because math and science don’t care and neither do I,” Haley finished, setting the book down and pulling the sheets of notes on top of it to signal that she was getting to work with or without him.

 

Even though she technically already finished this particular assignment because it was due tomorrow for the girls.

 

“Well, does Tutor Girl care?” Nate asked after a beat. “Because I’d like to think she wouldn’t judge me when she doesn’t even know me.”

 

“I’m not – Nate…” Haley trailed off. Another escaped her lips and Haley, despite her reservations, put everything down to stare Nate directly in the face. “Look…you’re right. I don’t know you. But what I do know is that as a girl, I wouldn’t want to have my time wasted. You’re wasting my time now, considering the fact that we’ve been here for twenty minutes and this is the third time you’ve zoned out on me. It would be worse, though, to be in a relationship with you and you waste my time because of another girl.

 

“You’re upset with Blair because you want her to put you cheating on her behind her as if she didn’t _just_ find out a couple of days ago. That’s not fair,” Haley told him and Nate swallowed, guilt on his face. “And obviously, it’s not over to you since you still want to talk to Serena for reasons unknown because unless you’re telling her that you’re breaking up with Blair to be with her because you’re lying to yourself about being happy with Blair, there is no reason for the guy Blair loves to be talking to the girl he betrayed her with. And if you really don’t want to be with Blair, Nate, _this_ is _hurting_ her. You think how she reacted to you sleeping with her best friend a year ago is bad? Imagine how she’ll feel if you consistently want to go behind her back – to _talk_ , as you so put it – to see the girl she’s probably afraid you’re thinking of leaving her for. Betrayed – that’s how she’ll feel, Nate.”

 

They stared at one another for a long period of time, Haley resting her hand on the side of her face, leaning the weight of her head on it while her elbow rested on the table below it.

 

“You…you really care about her, huh?” Nate asked, at a loss on what to say.

 

“Please don’t waste my time,” Haley begged, not bothering to answer that. “I’m already taking a huge chance at you when we both know you didn’t tell Blair about us when I asked you to do so in the first place so it doesn’t look like you’re keeping secrets from her again, because my instincts are screaming at me that you are full of shit.” Nate snorted, seemingly equal parts amused and insulted. “You need to figure out what you want, Nate.”

 

“I’m trying.”

 

“Again, full of shit.” Nate gaped at her and Haley couldn’t say that she blamed him. She toyed with a stray strand of her hair that had fallen from the low ponytail she had the thick locks gathered in; a few strands had fallen on either side of her face during the commute and at some point, Haley hadn’t allowed herself to care enough to fix it back. She peered at him with eyes that seemed to make Nate shift in his seat uncomfortably. “I think you already tried and some part of you already knows what you want. You just don’t understand admitting what you want now will hurt a lot less than later on when you’re in an even stickier situation.”

 

“Is this what you do when you’re with Blair?” Nate asked and Haley refused to answer.

 

“Subatomic particles… go.”

 

“Protons, neutrons…and…electrons,” he managed out, pausing for a good while before figuring out the last one. His issue was more than likely memorization, she reckoned to herself after nodding to him before beginning to jot down notes. They would probably need flash cards to practice for quizzes and tests.

 

“Good.” Haley reached in between the pages of her notebook to place a sheet of paper down in front of him, pointing to the colorful diagram on its surface. “Label them on this diagram.” Nate shifted his gaze from the sheet to her face, and Haley recalled this one time she heard Blair go on and on about how Nate could turn those deep blue eyes on you, looking at you as if he could see straight through you. And it made her pulse flutter, causing her to shift as uncomfortably as he had before. Nate grinned.

 

“I can see why she likes keeping you around,” he commented and Haley found the heat rushing to her cheeks before she could stop it.

 

“Diagram. Now.”


	4. Poison Ivy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena's honestly not that bad, Blair might actually be bad because she's clearly trying Haley's patience, Nate actually has substance to her, and Haley never thought she'd want Ivy Week to be over as much as she does right now.

"Awwww, too bad that you missed the assembly," Blair cooed, voice deceptively sweet despite the vicious vitriol anyone who was anyone knew was just on the tip of her tongue on most days when it came to Serena van der Woodsen.

Serena peered down at her former friend and Haley could tell from the way Serena squared her shoulders that she was preparing herself to not react too badly to whatever else Blair had to say. It didn't take long for the brunette in question to continue, "Not that it matters. Brown doesn't offer degrees in slut." As always, Isabel and Kati giggled in harmony and skipped behind her when Blair walked away, Haley watching from the doorway of the assembly room, shaking her head.

"Don't listen to her," she told the blonde who seemed to be visibly shaking with her restrained rage, watching Serena take deep breaths, the corners of her mouth tugged upwards in a contemptuous laugh to contain whatever remark she wanted to toss at the girl who used to be her best friend. She also saw, from over Serena's shoulder since she was at a distance where the blonde couldn't eclipse her vision, Blair's smug smile dropping as the brunette observed the two of them together. There was something in Blair's eyes, but Haley ignored it in favor of approaching Serena and waving a thin packet of paper. "You didn't miss much. Went over some key points I think we all already knew about, had a signup sheet for who wanted to volunteer for what during the mixer, a list of the schools that are going to be present, and a reminder not to embarrass the school – nothing too serious.

"Just a bunch of boring BS that everyone already knew and don't want to be reminded of because no one ever wants to be reminded of their impending doom if they can't do what they were sent to this school to do, which is to get into an Ivy League so that it doesn't look like we wasted all of our parents' money," Haley concluded and handed the blonde the papers.

Serena exhaled with a smile of what Haley was going to call gratitude. It hadn't been easy in the last three weeks of Serena and Haley getting to know one another, what with Serena's relationship with her brother ending before it could even truly begin and Blair declaring a very one-sided war with Constance Billard's "It" Girl. Blair had even sworn Haley off of Serena's radar. Haley hadn't exactly walked away from that conversation happy about being told what to do, and Blair definitely hadn't either considering she dismissed her before either of them could get into the salads Dorota had brought up for them.

Haley hadn't missed out, though. There was a mushroom and Swiss burger and fries waiting at Karen's Café, along with a very understanding Karen who sat with her for a few minutes before seeing to customers. Luckily, it had been Haley's day off. Nevertheless, Haley had genuinely gone about her life as if Serena was still at boarding school. It just so happened that Serena had started things and then…well, it went from there.

" _See you, and don't forget to study those flashcards for next time," Haley called out as her last tutee for the day walked out. At the same time, Serena van der Woodsen stole into the room, a frown marring her classically pretty features, and Haley's soft smile dropped._

_After Dan had come home and only shared with her the full reason why he had ended things with Serena, Haley had him play video games with her and eat ice cream. It took a long time for him to say it in the midst of their sibling rivalry and mint chocolate chip ice cream, but it hadn't just been the fact that Serena had slept around a lot back in the day and that those conquests included even her best friend's boyfriend._

" _I just thought she…I don't know," he had said. "I thought she'd be different." Haley had stabbed her spoon into the ice cream tub to make it stay there._

" _It sounds like you thought she was something she wasn't," she had concluded for him, recalling her immediate distaste for Serena upon hearing that part of her past. They had both heard about Serena's tangles in the sheets numerous of times in the hall. The sleeping with Nate part wasn't as much of a revelation to Haley considering Blair told her first, but its newness resulted in his immediate abhorrence in trying to get with the blonde. And at some point, Haley would have agreed with him – told him that girls like Serena weren't for him and he'd have better luck with someone else. But it didn't seem fair to Serena, no matter how much Blair would've protested her sympathy._

_After all, Haley couldn't reconcile the selfish slut Blair called her with the kind girl who had held her hand from across her brother's lap, thumb rubbing against the skin between her own thumb and forefinger to comfort her despite Haley's insistence that she didn't need comforting._

" _But she was never perfect, Dan, and maybe that's something you need to accept."_

" _Wait a minute…whose side are you on right now?" Dan had demanded, keeping his voice low since Rufus was still asleep. But the accusation rankled just below the surface, pervading the once comfortable space between them with a sort of tension that was going to lead to slammed doors and a concerned parent anyway._

" _I'm not picking a side," Haley had insisted. "But I do think that if you're going to act like you didn't know that secrets like this were going to pop up given what we already had known from Serena's past without Blair's help, maybe it's a good thing that the two of you didn't make it work. I have my issues with Brooke Davis down in Tree Hill for a very similar past, but at least I can admit that a_ big _chunk of that comes from the fact that not only is she a bit much for me in general, but I also kinda am jealous of her. She's…_ something  _and that's something I'll never be. What's_ your  _excuse here exactly?"_

_Needless to say, Dan had stormed off and Haley had pretty much finished the rest of the ice cream – and it was fitting considering_ she  _had been being such an awesome sister by sharing_ her _ice cream in the first place – and hadn't spoken to her for the entirety of the next day. But seeing Serena in her space when most people only came to see if they could sweet talk, threaten, or demand answers and/or help from her was a surprise._

_And one that made her wary._

" _Hey," Serena greeted, voice flat, a little unsure._

" _Hey." Haley's was softer, kinder – probably kinder than half of what Serena had endured since the brunch from hell. Blair had called it that, recalling that it was usually a lot tamer on the girls' side of things than the boys'. She also refused to call that it was her own fault that things had turned out the way that they had._

" _Look, I know that you apparently don't let a lot of people in here and I'd totally understand if you wanted me to leave because of the way things ended with Dan, but…" Serena stopped short and Haley watched the blonde bite her lower lip, what looked to be angry tears forming in her eyes. Angry because Serena was also clenching her jaw and fists, but she managed to blink the tears away. "Can I eat lunch in here?"_

" _Yeah, sure," Haley said. "I was just gonna lock the door and eat lunch here anyway." Serena's eyes shut involuntarily and Haley guessed she had been trying to get herself in order because when the blonde opened them again, she mouthed a thank you Haley could feel, dropping into the seat across from where Haley originally had sat. Haley crossed the small room to the door and turned the lock, walking back to her seat and beginning to pull out her lunch._

_It didn't take long into their lunch before Haley couldn't stand the tortured silence that came with Serena picking at her salad._ Mind your business _, her mind had said._ Not possible _, she responded._

" _Serena," she began tentatively. "What happened?"_

" _Nothing…everything…the same thing since what feels like forever," Serena explained with a frustrated huff, throwing her fork down into her salad bowl. She sucked in a breath, a hand raised to rub at the worry lines Haley couldn't see on the girl's forehead. "Look, I know that I screwed up with Nate and with Blair, and I get that. But all of this – the whispering, the pointing fingers, the not talking to me at all even when we're supposed to be working on group projects – I just…"Haley nodded sympathetically._

" _It has been kinda mean girl central around here lately."_

_It was actually weird. There were girls who were in the same boat as Haley – unpopular, unacknowledged by Gossip Girl so they were even more inconsequential than a feather in the wind, on a scholarship, etc. – who also seemed to sneer at Serena. Half, she realized, genuinely were judging, ecstatic to have someone to sublimate their jealousies and bitterness with a shared disgust and contempt that none of them actually possessed. The other half simply didn't talk to or acknowledge Serena simply because no one wanted to be on Blair's bad side._

_To talk to Serena – to be friendly to her – was seen as an act of treason, much like it would be if these same girls talked to Nathaniel in any way that Blair deemed as dangerous. It was ridiculous and petty and a host of other things that Haley could say but refused to verbalize. It just seemed like a lot of her time being wasted and with her time being occupied by evening shifts at Karen's and getting home in time to do homework (and occasionally cook, if it happened to not be Rufus' night), she just didn't bother._

" _I just…I knew that when I got back, I would have time. I would have time to be the best friend in the entire world to Blair and make it up to her –"_

" _But never telling her," Haley pointed out. Serena's eyes flashed with anger then guilt, followed by shame and remorse._

" _I didn't want to hurt her," she swore. "If she just didn't know and I came back and did everything else, and was a better person, I thought everything would work out in the end, ya know? But all of this?" Serena sucked her teeth, slumping in the chair with her elbows on the table and her face buried in her hands._

" _It is a lot," Haley admitted softly._

_She stared at Serena, trying hard to remember that this was the same girl that she and Dan's old friend, Vanessa, had rolled their eyes to hear him gush about. The same girl that yes, inspired a touch of envy with her perpetually and flawlessly tanned skin, blue eyes like the sky, and hair as golden as the sun. Right now, Serena didn't look like an "It" girl – well, okay, perhaps not in an_ emotional sense _because physically, there was no comparison. However, this wasn't the carefree girl who laughed like she and God were the very best of friends and life was swell, even though everyone knew she had gotten arrested the night before._

" _But think of it this way," Haley said, a small smile grazing her lips as she plucked a carrot stick from her lunch platter to dip into ranch dressing. "Ivy Week is coming up and you'll have all the time in the world to focus on impressing some rep and getting the hell out of here. I know I am." Serena met her gaze through the spaces between her fingers, then dropped her hands, a small smile of her own tugging at the corners of her mouth._

" _Ya know what? You're right…you're so…" She stopped, stared at Haley in a moment of silence, and then her smile widened. "Thank you…so much, Haley. You have no idea how refreshing it is to have a conversation with someone who doesn't look at you and the first thing they say is, 'slut.'"_

" _Probably almost as refreshing as having someone talk to you and know you by your name instead of just calling you Tutor Girl," Haley replied and Serena giggled, seemed to think on it, and then plucked a grape off of Haley's platter. Lucky for her, Haley was in a surprisingly giving mood and Serena's laugh was contagious._

"You'd think the idea of getting to talk with a representative from Yale would at least put Blair into a nicer mood," Serena whined as they descended the very staircase Blair and all of the other juniors took to leave the building. Haley smirked at her.

"We are talking about Blair Waldorf, right?" Both girls looked at each other and then giggled, stepping out into the open courtyard. It hadn't gotten too cold out just yet, meaning that the September breeze had yet to be able to rattle Haley's bones through her clothes. It didn't mean she didn't wear a decent enough jacket and tights in preparation for what was to come. "But in all seriousness, you shouldn't worry about her. That was pretty tame, don't you think?"

"For now," Serena exclaimed after a sigh. Haley's gaze was pitying.

There wasn't much she could do for her. Even if Blair wasn't slightly upset with her at the moment, it wasn't like Haley could just make Blair stop antagonizing Serena at every turn. She could voice her opinion like before, but it was always up to Blair whether or not she followed Haley's advice. She had done everything Haley had said up until Nate told her about sleeping with Serena. After that, Haley could do nothing more than watch from a distance.

"Still, thank you for these," Serena said, gesturing to the papers at hand. "I gotta go catch up before I'm late for gym, but," she reached over and pulled a surprised Haley into a half hug, squeezing the petite brunette before releasing her with a bright smile that Haley could see through. Serena was trying to be optimistic, to not let things get to her – at least, when she was around Haley. But Haley could tell; a person could only withstand so much before they broke. Or snapped. Whichever one came first, really. But she found herself returning the smile anyway when Serena kept talking, "thank you. I know I keep saying it – "

"And I keep appreciating it," Haley finished with a grin. With one last squeeze of her shoulder and an answering grin, Serena was off. It didn't take long, however, for both of their phones to go off, making Haley regret ever taking Serena's suggestion of getting Gossip Girl notifications through the device to heart when she peered down to read the latest post, attached to it being the picture of Serena and Haley hugging:

**Gossip Girl here! Out with the old, and in with the new, I know one It Girl who's not thinking about you, B. Looks like S has found herself a new BFF in our resident Tutor Girl. I wonder what B has to say about that…**

* * *

Treacherous.

That was what Blair had to say about it.

In fact, there were about a thousand other words from the English dictionary that Blair could think of to address Haley and Haley's actions thus far, but they were too many for her to actually utter in one or two measly sentences. But for the record, she was not happy. It was probably a given and more than likely evident in the way she had acted during their gym class. Granted, Blair didn't think she had deserved to be so viciously tackled like that – she used a very expensive shampoo,  _thank you very much_ , and she had wound up needing to book an appointment to make sure her scalp wasn't infected by some venereal disease Serena probably naturally carried after years of slutdom – but it happened and her revenge was going to be sweet. So, she waited. She bided her time, let her followers dote on her and her "broken leg" which had clearly been the fault of Serena – and then everyone wondered why Lily had to enroll her into a boarding school that none of them knew the name of,  _ha_! – she waited for Chuck's information on the blonde bitch from hell, and then she gathered her purse to head out to this café she heard was opening on Fifth Avenue.

The same café Haley just so happened to mention she was going to be working part-time at.

Warm. It was the first thing Blair had been able to observe of the place. She noticed it from the second she opened the door; the way the warmth bled into her exposed skin in comparison to the colder nights they were all adapting to just outside the glass door, the pleasant smiles from the owner of the café whom Haley had shown her pictures of. Karen was a middle-aged woman with dark hair and dark eyes that both complimented her ivory complexion. She had a kind, genuine smile on her face – it was what a mother's smile was supposed to look like, might she add.

As much as Blair would normally comment that a place like this was beneath her, it was no wonder that it had become a rather popular new spot on the map for a lot of their peers and various other students in the area. This place reminded her of what those homes on television looked and felt like, a place where someone could honestly and truly relax in. It wasn't a wonder then that it took her so long to make it to the counter where Haley was taking someone's order, Blair's eyes taking in the smiling faces and the occupied tables and booths where people were in deep conversation, a laugh stretching out over the space from some corner to her ear.

"Oh, hey," Haley greeted with a warm smile, handing the stranger their receipt and waving them off. A second later and her full attention was on Blair, who felt vaguely uncomfortable.

"Hey," Blair replied softly.

All at once, she felt like pulling Haley to the couch and unloading; she wanted to talk about Dorota forcing her to eat a rather big breakfast before she could escape to school a few days ago, which made her throw it all back up as soon as she found some alone time – even though they both knew Haley would have some words for that, and she wanted to tell her how she tried to call her Dad to talk to him about Yale and when he was going to see her next, but he didn't answer her call.

She wanted to make her talk about anything that Nate might have mentioned to Haley because he was really closed off about Dartmouth and the future this week, even after admitting to her that the only reason he had even became acquainted with Haley was because he felt like she was the best person to help bring his grades up in some kind of way. Which made sense, but it didn't make it not rub Blair the wrong way. It just also wasn't in the way that Haley probably assumed.

It was funny, in a distant sort of way, how much Haley had become this person that Blair trusted so deeply. Blair hadn't even realized that that was the case until she had kicked Haley out of her room two weeks ago, so quick to anger and defensiveness, but just as swiftly realizing that she didn't exactly want the girl to leave in the first place. At the time, making her go was the one thing Blair could control when it seemed that so easily Haley could change and shape her opinions on things she was supposed to be sure of. She was Blair Waldorf, goddamnit!

And yet Blair recalled the very post that had influenced her to come to this establishment – not to mention the very fact that Haley had been seen several times over at her locker or, more frequently, in the courtyard taking her lunch with Serena – which resulted in her stating: "And here I thought you'd be too busy to take on being a Waiter Girl too, Tutor Girl, given how much time you've been spending with your new BFF."

Haley froze, staring at Blair with the most unreadable expression Blair had seen from the girl since they had officially met. Regardless of anything Haley might have had to say to contest the truth, Blair always thought her to be rather transparent. Denial could only go so far when your feelings read so loudly, but at that moment, Haley's eyes were inscrutable. She watched as the girl nodded to one of the baristas, asking her to cover for her real quick, before rounding the counter to stand off the side of it, facing Blair.

"Okay, is there a problem?" Blair shrugged, a smile of indifference on her face. "Because last I checked, Serena and I were just getting to know each other, and I was pretty sure I didn't exactly have to answer to you."

"Just like you didn't have to answer about Nate." Haley's eyes widened and she set her jaw, gaze moving away from Blair's in an attempt to not roll her eyes.

"Blair, are you – are we really doing this?" She demanded and she must have reached her dealing-with-Blair-Waldorf's-smiles-slash-shrugs quota because Blair was pretty sure the girl growled in frustration – there had to be some kind of explanation for the sound that just came out of her throat – and glared at Blair, still trying to keep her voice light. Her tone, however, held unbridled annoyance. "You want to be mad about Serena? Fine, go for it. But I didn't tell you about tutoring Nate because it wasn't my place to tell you."

"And why not, Humphrey? To keep me from telling you 'no' like I would have?"

"To make him be honest with you for once in his life," Haley snapped, voice raised a few octaves higher than she probably ended to. Eyes jumped up at them, heads turned in their direction in interest, and Haley scowled, trying not to give at least three people the finger. But she focused on Blair, sighing and making herself quiet down. "I wanted him to tell you because  _he_  was the one who asked me to tutor him,  _not_  the other way around. He's the one who betrayed you,  _not_  me. I haven't done  _anything_ to you. He's the one who owes you his loyalty."

"And you don't?" Blair demanded, feeling her voice waver before she could stop it. It was confusing, really, this random burst of emotion that she had honestly not walked in here with. Out of nowhere, it felt like there was something clawing its way up her stomach, into her chest, and into her throat, and she had to swallow to keep it down. It was an ugly thing that made her growl in frustration and want to claw Serena's eyes out when she saw her earlier today, warm laughter in her eyes as Haley said something that made her guffaw loud enough to be heard from the hallway entrance where Blair and her girls had stood, observing in equal parts intrigue and disgust. It made her angry and equally sad and annoyed and…

No.

Blair mentally froze.

No…it  _couldn't_  – it  _wasn't_ , right? She wasn't jea – no… _no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_

Blair wasn't even going to utter the word, let alone think it.

Luckily, she didn't have to. She could focus on the quietly incredulous scoff in Haley's voice as she inquired, "Loyalty to  _what_ , exactly? You  _only_  having an actual conversation with me when there's literally  _no one_  else around to witness you doing anything as  _questionable_  as talking to some random kid from Brooklyn without a sneer in sight? Or is it you only ever acknowledging me when it  _just so happens_  to  _not_ look too suspect to anyone present? Please explain that to me because I  _clearly_ must have lost that memo."

Blair swallowed again, mouth set in a frown as she tried to find words, anything to get rid of  _that_ look. A big part of her wanted to explain, to make it better because she had never seen Haley look this hurt before.

Blair would say something  _mildly_  scathing – or at least, it was mild to her – but it had never meant any harm, and sometimes Haley looked sad. So, Blair said something…something better, and Haley would toss her this small, fond smile. It would be small, sure, but it would be enough. But it  _hadn't_  been enough – it had clearly  _never_  been enough. Or maybe it was that it had only been enough for  _Blair_ because _she_  had told herself that it was, that it made sense to keep Haley to herself and have this person who was genuinely understanding – or, well, tried to be – and with whom Blair could share so much because there were so many back-stabbing, two-faced bitches in Manhattan, Serena being the main one, which explained so easily why Blair was becoming jeal –

_No_ , she was not saying  _that_  word.  _Not even thinking it_ , she demandingly sang in her head because her brain was not getting the memo.

And because she was refusing to call and acknowledge the thing that she was feeling – which would probably better explain things to Haley and get that look off of Haley's face – Blair said the first thing that came to mind. "Well, consider yourself lucky that you don't have to figure it out. You won't have to worry about me talking to you at all." She said it coldly, staring directly into Haley's eyes, and then turned on her heels to head for the door she had entered through.

That had been tame enough and it was biting enough to make Haley see how serious she was. She just didn't expect the girl to call out just before she could push the door open:

"Yeah, well, it's not like I haven't gotten used to it." Blair shot her a dirty – hurt, and probably ashamed, though she definitely wouldn't call it either of those things – look over her shoulder and stormed out, not bothering to acknowledge the equally dirty one Haley gave her. And of course, because she couldn't feel any worse than she already did, Blair had to deal with another blast, this time with a picture of herself just as the door to Karen's Café closed, the tall glass windows and doors allowing everyone to see Haley with her hands on her hips, staring directly at her back above the caption:

**Spotted! And just when I thought Tutor Girl couldn't get more interesting, we see that B is walking away from a fight she very well may have lost…and it might even be to a queen she didn't know was going to be from Brooklyn. Why so glum, B? Did you really think you were irreplaceable?**

* * *

Nate Archibald was genuinely surprised to see Haley James standing outside of Constance. He had seen her earlier, eyebrows raised when he spotted her dressed up. Nate would be purposefully being a dick if he said that he didn't think she could dress up; he just never thought she'd be comfortable doing so. Maybe that's why she was outside the entrance as opposed to the courtyard where the mixer was being held? He swore he had seen her earlier, hadn't even registered that she left.

"Hey," he called and Haley visibly jumped, whirling around to face him from where she stood, seeming to be positively relieved to see him instead of whomever she thought was coming. Which was weird because the tiny brunette before him should've been ecstatic about meeting the Stanford rep…and yet…she was hiding?

Why?

" _You are a very good writer," Haley commented quietly, eyes roving over the last paragraph to Nate's latest essay. It was due in twenty four hours and he had surprised himself by getting it done. Truthfully, though, a lot of that was in thanks to the diminutive girl sitting beside him, who had sent daily texts to remind him to get it done because she wanted to proofread it before the submission date. Leave it to Nate and the essay wouldn't have been finished until the day afterward, and he'd have to come up with some excuse and hope Dr. Winsor was a sucker for his eyes like a lot of his peers._

" _You sound surprised." She hadn't, not in the slightest, but he felt the defensiveness rise in him anyway. Nate spent an entire lifetime knowing that people didn't expect much from him. Most people assumed that the quote, "Sit still, look pretty," was just for girls. He was the living proof that it was not the case. Nate knew he was no genius nor did he have any real talent, but he also knew that he had a substantial amount of wealth to fall back on. According to his parents, if he did his part – played his role, he'd have his life made. Just as he was aware of that, Nathaniel was also aware that that wasn't exactly what he wanted for himself._

_He didn't like calling it indecisiveness. It rubbed him the wrong way, sounded bad when he thought of it as an adjective for himself. He just was never aware, until quite recently, that there was another choice to begin with. Students who came from a different walk of life than himself thought that it was easy to just go about his life and that guys like Nate were oblivious to their privileges. Nate was not. He knew deep down that he was better off to some extent. He was also worse off in that very same light. His life was already laid out for him and all he had to do was follow the yellow brick road to wherever his parents decided…but what about, as Robert Frost had pondered over, the road less traveled? Nate didn't know what he wanted yet, but he liked the idea of finding out._

_This was why he was so defensive about his writing, this thing that not even Chuck knew about him even though they were best friends. Nate wasn't in the cut writing pretty prose or poetry, but he did like it – a lot better than solving tricky problems and equations. Was it a future career? He didn't know. But it was something and it meant something to him, and so he cherished it._

" _I'm not," Haley told him, staring directly into his eyes. The prolonged eye contact made him shift in his seat._

_This was also a thing he liked to keep to himself; Haley James (he still didn't know whether or not to add the Humphrey, so he tried leaving that alone) was a scary young woman. It didn't make sense for a six foot male to be intimidated by a girl who barely brushed five foot four, but it was definitely the case. Hell, he feared her more than he feared Blair and that was saying something. In all of the years that Nate had known Blair, she had grown predictable to some extent. He knew when what he was doing when he made her upset; he didn't always mean to, but it happened and he generally figured out, mere seconds after she started glaring at him, what he had done to offend her. But he wasn't scared of her and maybe a big part of it was that he knew her._

_Despite having been in several tutoring sessions with Haley, Nate didn't know her. He couldn't anticipate what would make her get cross with him, though the unimpressed eyebrow raises and this quirk of her mouth thing that she did when he wasn't putting as much of an effort in were indicators of him needing to get his shit together before she called it off completely. Haley was patient, though, and kind. She didn't laugh or mock him when he made mistakes; she just tried to get him to recognize what he had messed up on and let him fix it on his own. She found ways to make things sound easier to him, less complicated. She also didn't take his or anyone's – if Blair's mood in the last few weeks had meant anything – shit._

" _What was that just now?" Haley asked softly. Nate scowled – no, not at her, but at his hands. She also made it impossible to not talk. He could see more and more why Blair liked her so much. Haley was easy; easy to talk to, easy to listen to, easy to relax around – just easy. He didn't know how to feel about that just yet, but he liked it._

" _I…I'm used to most people wouldn't have lasted as long trying to tutor me," he explained shortly, trying to laugh when he added, "Not exactly the brightest crayon." Haley did not find that funny._

" _Well, I'm not most people, Nate." Of course not, he thought. Nate probably wouldn't even be with her if she was._

" _Look, I'm – it's been a_ long _week and this whole Ivy thing's been stressing me out." Haley nodded gently, understanding shining in her eyes under the soft lighting of Karen's Café. The crowd was dwindling down; there were a few stragglers in the two corners closest to the front door, what looked to be couples from Nate's vantage point. Karen had already locked the door and promised to let them stay a little longer since the two pairs had already paid for their meals. Karen was in the back, counting the drawers. Haley promised to close up. "My Dad's been…he wants me to get into Dartmouth. No, he_ needs _me to."_

" _But you don't?"_

" _I don't know," Nate answered honestly and amusement tugged at Haley's lips, which she tried to hide by her mug of tea. The sweet cinnamon wafted over through the space between them to his nose, a subtle bite of spice he wouldn't have pegged to make up what he was beginning to believe was Haley James' favorite tea. She always ordered it and always seemed to have some variant of it during the day._

" _That seems to be the story of your life, Nate Archibald." She stated that kindly, no hint of a judgement in her voice. Amusement sure, which Nate wanted to be bitter about but all he could do was offer a short laugh in acknowledgement. Haley placed the large mug down after a sip and then returned her gaze to him – that probing gaze that made him feel more exposed than he ever had. "Well, if you had a choice, where would you decide to go?"_

" _USC," was Nate's immediate answer. Haley's surprise was obvious._

" _If I didn't know any better, Mr. Archibald, I'd say you were following me since we'd be six hours apart." Nate had to think about it for a moment, but he figured it out before long._

" _Stanford, really?" Haley nodded, a big smile on her face._ It was pretty _, he thought. Immediately, Blair's dislike of that very thought filled his head, but Nate had honestly droned her out in the past two weeks. Besides, that was a harmless evaluation. Whenever Nate saw Haley out and about, she seemed to always be serious or at least to herself, and so her smile seemed to be a treat. And a real one like the one she had just given him – all white, straight teeth and bright eyes – was something to be cherished. "Why Stanford, Haley James?"_

" _I've never been to California," she replied plainly and Nate snorted; it made her giggle. "Do not judge me, Archibald! Unlike some people who can hop on a jet or boat to anywhere he so chooses, I don't get out of New York much unless we're going down to North Carolina and even then, it's honestly for family and old friends." Haley seemed to sober up and so did the smile on her face, softening, turning wistful._

" _A change of scenery is nice." Nate commented and Haley nodded in agreement, eyes on the mug she had begun to play with. Nate watched her in silent observation. "Your parents aren't exactly behind that, though, are they?" Haley waved him off and tried to busy herself with stirring the light brown liquid in her mug._

" _No…of course they do…it's just…"Haley bit her lower lip, and she did that a lot – come to think of it, when she seemed to be nervous or uncomfortable with whatever was on her mind. After a beat, she shrugged; feigning indifference but Nate had a feeling that that wasn't exactly what she felt. "My Dad's not a big fan of the distance. We always knew I was going to go to an Ivy League…I just don't think he expected it to be so far away."_

" _Well, wasn't far away the whole point of you picking that school?" Haley seemed to freeze at that and Nate tilted his head, curious, at that reaction._

" _Hey, now!" She exclaimed, running a hand through her hair, messing up the center part she typically styled it in. "Weren't we supposed to be talking about you?" Nate laughed._

" _Oh, so now it's a problem when_ you're  _the one in the hot seat," Nate replied and Haley opened her mouth to speak, but whatever it was died on her tongue. That's new, he thought._

_Haley was unused to sharing, as selfish as that sounded. But it wasn't selfish at all; at least, she didn't think so. It was easier for her to focus on everything and everyone else and their problems – it was what she was used to, after all. She didn't have some sad existence where she had no one to talk to. There was Lucas in their biweekly phone calls and texts, there had been Blair a little, and Dan could be helpful from time to time if she just wanted to take a load off. Maybe._

_But she had never really found herself in this predicament where she had just been literally two seconds from saying more about her future than she had ever shared with either of her parents. Hell, more than she shared with herself. Haley knew the plan. Stanford, then some career in education which probably was going to mean getting a doctorate's, twenty or thirty years as a professor, and then retirement. Or something like that. And even though a part of her loathed to admit that this was what she knew was going to happen and it was just right there, something else told her this was stale._

_She didn't want to listen to that voice. That voice was unfamiliar. That voice was unsafe._

" _That's not…I-I-I mean…" Haley frowned – Nate would've called it a pout, but he was pretty sure he would get hit if he pointed that out, so he did not – and stared at him again, this time not probing. No, there was something…she was warring with something in her eyes, brown orbs glittering with unsaid thoughts that Nate wouldn't mind picking her brain for. Then she sighed. "Stanford is my choice. I like the school, the people that have come from it, what can be done with a degree from there. And my parents support that – they support anything that we do. It's their dream for me."_

" _But what if their dreams aren't really our dreams?" Nate asked, imploring. "What if our parents want what they want for us – with good intentions, I'm sure – but that's not our dream? What if we spend our entire lives thinking that they are when they're not, when they're just this thing we all aspire to because we want to make our parents proud or…or because it's safe?"_

" _Sometimes safe can be the right choice," Haley stated solemnly, quietly. Nate only returned her gaze – his now the probing one, sharp and wild with a passion that shocked Haley. Her softer, less sure._

" _What if the risk is worth it?" He pressed._

" _What if it's not?"_

"Oh, hey you," she exclaimed over a burst of wind. It had been breezy all day, which was why Haley had pulled a dark blazer over the blue dress Blair had given her some weeks ago. It was before their falling out, a little bit after the Bass-hosted brunch. Haley had tried to refuse it, but Dorota caught her before she was two steps out of the building, handing her the hanger just as the taxi pulled up, making it difficult for Haley to not take it with her. Her hair billowed around her in the wind, the subtle hint of red caught only by the sun's warm rays. "I thought you'd be charming the socks off of that Dartmouth rep." Nate chuckled, hands shoved into his pockets.

"That's actually your brother right now," he said and her eyes widened in glee.

"Really? That's great! He'll be so happy." It didn't take long for Haley to realize what that meant for him, which led to her gaping at him at him for a moment. Then her gaze was clouded with concern. "But Nate? Your dad…"

"He'll get over it." Nate sounded so sure about that, even in his own ears. He just wished he felt it. He eyed Haley, the way she pulled the blazer tighter over her slim form. She was still uncomfortable with strapless clothes, which was a big part of why she had tried refusing the gift. It was pretty and it looked surprisingly well against her skin, but she never believed she pulled it off as effortlessly as Blair had. "Did you get to talk to Helen?"

Helen Kim was the Stanford University. It wasn't an Ivy League, but it was one of the best, which was why Constance and St. Jude's hadn't hesitated to invite representatives from the school to visit for those who weren't as keen on the Ivy League institutions. It defeated the purpose, but an institution with Stanford's legacy being added to the roster wasn't exactly surprising. It might as well be considered an Ivy League in the first place, not an Ivy Plus.

"Um, yeah, actually," she answered. "Definitely choked in the beginning there, but…yeah, she was nice. So, so sweet." She knew she was going to have to head back inside at some point. Blair said she had a speech prepared that Haley needed to hear, which didn't bode well, but Haley didn't see too much of an issue. Blair wasn't going to do anything too bad at an event like this, right?

Nate glanced back at the building he had just exited, knowing that if he were to return, his Dad would be shoving him at the man Nate had honestly grown bored (and uncomfortable) with in less than two seconds. If he left, he was going to have to hear it and he'd probably be hearing it for the rest of his life, even if he happened to still wind up at Dartmouth to his chagrin. But then he glanced back at Haley, the way she tried tucking wayward strands behind her ears…and he just didn't care.

"You wanna grab a bite to eat?"

Haley's head jerked up at that and tilted her head, at a loss.

"But…Dartmouth – "

"Still has to give me a year to apply and just as much time to schmooze my way on in," he assured her cockily just to see that very familiar, unimpressed expression. It made Nate grin. "I'm thinking…maybe Indian. Haven't had that in a while."

Haley snorted out a laugh, trying not to it seemed, but her smile afterwards was bright, so wide it made the corners of her eyes crinkle a little. Another look Nate was beginning to like. She seemed to toy with the idea in her head, which was ridiculous because Nate was pretty sure he knew her answer. She just needed to stop overthinking it.

"You in or what, Tutor Girl?" He pressed and watched the outrage be beat out by a thrilled smile.

"Fine," she replied and Nate began walking only to be swat in the arm by a tiny hand, a playful warning in Haley's eyes as she pointed at him and added, "And don't call me Tutor Girl."


	5. Bad News Blair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blair sucks at apologies, but Haley sucks in general so there's that. But at least, she approves of Nate and Haley, even though it looks like their burgeoning friendship doesn't need her approval to thrive. Chuck's still a dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a year and for anyone who actually gives a fuck about this story - I know I do, which is why I'm still writing and why it won't leave me the hell alone - I am sorry. I will try to be better about that for this one and for my Brucas story. With that being said, please review!!! Reviews help me stay motivated.

“So,” Nate began, dragging the vowel out after a long sip of the cold brew she thought he only ordered to appear more sophisticated. In reality, the drink was absolutely disgusting, it’s only redeeming factor being that it was coffee, the nectar of life.

Haley wouldn’t say she was at the point in her life where she was addicted to coffee just yet, but even she knew that unless her coffee was going to include some kind of sugar - even without milk, much to Jenny’s disgust - she wasn’t drinking it. The fact that Nate could bring the straw to his mouth and pretend that he didn’t want to choke on the bitter, icy cold liquid he sucked up made Haley want to gag, never mind that it was cool enough outside for her to stray from drinks of equal temperature. Her chai spice latte bled warmth into her hands through the thin gloves she had already pulled out, already on the cusp of having to thwart off a cold due to her horrible dress-wearing decision yesterday at the mixer. New York weather always threw Haley for a loop. 

It was chilly today, as it had been for the last few days, but the sun’s heat would return come tomorrow and next week until the next blast of forewarning winter doom. Luckily, she and Nate had not lingered too long in the elements, him having hailed a cab and them spending nearly two hours in the modern yet cozy Indian spot he’d raved about on the ride over. 

Recalling the perplexed expressions on both Dan and her Dad’s faces when Nate Archibald willed the taxi to stop before their building just as they themselves arrived with a wry chuckle, Haley was almost capable of distracting herself with a careful sip of her warm beverage when Nate continued, rather casually, “are you and Blair not not friends again?” 

Haley felt Nate watch her shoulders tense and cursed that she was incapable of appearing unaffected by his questioning. 

“We’re not,  _ not _ not friends,” she replied and while he snorted, she winced at her own grammar. “Great,” she bemoaned, “now I’m beginning to sound like you.” There was an answering indignant noise - more playful than actually offended - from the male in question and, feeling less cornered, Haley sneered and added, “Maybe we really should focus on your English instead of math.”

“Very cute, but that still doesn’t answer my question.” Nate retorted and she rolled her eyes in response. “I’m just saying, it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen you on her bed - ”

“ - that sounds so much more scandalous than it actually is,” Haley interjected. Nate beamed. 

“ - and she actually approves of your helping me and she’s not trying to ignore you in the halls anymore now that she and Serena have made up - ”

“ - we’re fine, Nate,” Haley cut him off, giving him a very familiar, pointed look that bespoke her thinning patience, complete with her elbow resting on the table and her cheek resting in the palm of the very same hand. “Serena and her are on good terms, everything’s back to normal and you know what? I’m pretty sure this round of questioning falls under the wasting my time category. What did we say about wasting my time?”

“‘Don’t bother’ and ‘there are tons of other tutors waiting for me to bat my pretty blue eyes at them so they could help me out.’” It was a small speech Haley had given after their first tutoring session and Nate repeated the words like a scolded child who didn’t really take his parents’ scolding seriously. Nevermind the fact that Haley was pretty sure he’d be less of an annoying jerk if his parents actually scolded him during his childhood, but what did she know? “I find it very flattering, by the way, that you think my eyes are pretty.” Haley snorted.

“Happy to oblige, Mr. Archibald.”

“What have I said about calling me Mr. Archibald, Haley James? That’s my Dad.”

“And what have I told you about calling me Haley James?”

“Do you ever not get defensive? Or are we still at that place where you feel attacked when  _ you’r _ e the one getting questioned?” He shot back, chuckling thereafter upon her glower. Friday morning passed mostly uneventfully with the only noteworthy Gossip Girl blast being that Blair and Serena had apparently made up late yesterday evening, a barrage of pictures of the girls soaked and happy flooding Haley’s screen until the strange churning in her stomach made her shut everything down to focus on the essay that wasn’t technically due for another week. 

“I’m not…” Haley cut herself off, narrowing her eyes - and wishing that it came off more menacing than lighthearted, damn him - before attempting to get them both back on track. 

Nate had scooped her up after class and convinced her to at least get his math homework done before his “Lost Boys” weekend. Apparently, it would be really easy to not get any work done for the next three days and while Nate probably could squeeze in more than one subject, if you asked Haley, at least getting one of his least favorite subjects out of the way could be done. Sighing, Haley found her voice again and demanded, “You have algebra problems to do and I have work, so get to it.” Nate snorted like the stubborn five year old he was. Trying not to pout, and noting the amusement dancing in his eyes still, Haley tapped onto the notebook sprawled in front of the other junior. “Algebra now or I walk, I’m not playing, Nathaniel.” Nate chuckled to himself, grin so wide that she could see the indentations of dimples in his sculpted cheekbones. 

“Okay, okay,” he exclaimed, set his drink back down and turned his focus on the aforementioned math. “You know, you sound like my mother when you say my name like that.” Haley shot another glare at the side of his face, noting the quiet quirk of his mouth, but softened when he truly did peer at the work with more diligence. Working outside and in the open was a new thing, a bold thing. But she was not anxious because of the decision. Blair might have helped with that part. 

_ “If you want your dress back, you’re gonna have to wait until I put it in dry cleaning,” Haley declared, holding onto the old refurbished wood of their front double doors. She didn’t open the left one all the way, just enough where Blair could see her profile and the two were standing face to face. If Blair noticed the frigidity of the air between them, she didn’t say anything about it. She was...weird, however. _

_ “I wasn’t - it was a gift.” Haley peered at the mean girl curiously, unfamiliar with the stilted speech pattern and the tension wracking Blair’s five foot two inch frame, unused to the other girl’s brown eyes flitting away nervously - when has Blair Waldorf ever been nervous? _

_ Blair’s hands were before her and wringing together, the long strap to her purse precariously lodged onto her shoulder and needing only one more shift of her tiny feet to fall from its perch. A beat passed, then two, and Blair finally steadied herself, gaze meeting Haley’s surely, expectation in brown irises as she asked, “Are you going to let me in?” It was almost like a dare, as if Blair would question Haley’s level of hospitality - her politeness - if she were to say no. Haley wanted to say no. She didn’t owe Blair anything. The other girl had tried to make her do as she pleased, telling her who to  talk to and who not to as if her word was law. Haley should make her stay out in the hallway where the metal and concrete soaked up the frigidity that lingered past the windows that kept the rain out, made her shiver in the cold and say what she had to say while Haley was braced from behind by the warmth her family’s home exuded. _

_ She did not. _

_ Without speaking, and with enough hesitation to make Blair shift uncomfortably, Haley did not remove her gaze from the beautiful brunette as she opened the door wider and allowed her inside. Blair’s heels were loud against the hardwood floors, enough so to make Dan look up from his stretched out position on the couch. _

_ “And who do we have here?” Rufus asked from the kitchen. Poised as always, Blair only paused for a second to survey the cornucopia of furnishings that made up their home, the nicknacks that lined the shelves of their brick walls,  the two chocolate armchairs that faced the blue grey sofa Dan currently occupied, the assortment of paintings that could be found all over - some Allison herself had done, some a few by unknown artists she called friends. Then she was clearly painting a smile and extended a hand towards Rufus. _

_ “Blair Waldorf.” Recognition sparked in Rufus’ eyes and while his smile remained warm, his eyes flitted to Haley briefly. She closed the front door and ignored Dan’s curious gaze. _

_ “Ah, Haley’s told me all about you,” her father said and Blair glanced at her in question, briefly, before smiling at Rufus’ face again. “How’s the tutoring coming along?” _

_ “Great. Haley’s such an amazing help and I actually - ” _

_ “We’ll be in my room for a bit,” Haley interrupted and started towards her bedroom, leaving Blair little choice but to give a brief parting to Rufus - and surprisingly, Dan - before following. Luckily, Dan had dropped the garage door separating their bedrooms earlier, the long desk that once had been cluttered with both Jenny and Haley’s combined textbooks leaning against it. Briefly, Haley reminded herself to call her sister some time during the weekend and plopped herself on the twin sized bed, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.  _

_ Several breaths passed before anyone actually spoke.  _

_ “I didn’t realize you designed,” Blair commentedly mildly, and Haley didn’t have to follow her gaze to know that the girl had noticed the mannequin Jenny had not taken down south. She had figured that their mother could buy her another. _

_ “My sister, Jenny. Remember?” _

_ “Right.” Another breath and Haley sighed, already over it. _

_ “Did you really just come all the way over here to just stand in the middle of my room?” _

_ “No - I just…” Blair trailed off after she blurted out the negative, faltered, and then scowled at Haley as if Haley wasn’t the one who had the right to contest the brunette being in her space. Which was why Haley couldn’t help but laugh, contemptuously, when Blair pointed out, scrunching her face up distastefully, “You’re being….really rude.” _

_ “And you said you weren’t speaking to me anymore,” Haley decided to point out. Blair pursed her lips and lowered her eyes for a moment, not shuffling her feet like her legs seemed to twitch to do, but not exactly getting fed up and walking away like Haley would have preferred. “How did you even know where I live?” Blair’s gaze flitted back up to meet hers. _

_ “I think I would know where you live considering how many times I’ve called a cab for you,” she stated indignantly, primly. Haley waited, head tilted and eyebrows raised until Blair shrunk, sighing as she admitted, “Ok, so I might have asked Dorota to give me your address since she’s the one who usually calls.” Haley snorted gracelessly and waited still, folding her arms over her chest. Blair didn’t rise to the occasion, not at first. A beat passed and then she shuffled on her feet - more like stamping them like a toddler, if you asked Haley - before she spoke up again. “Fine. I may or may not have made a mistake.” _

_ “If this is your way of apologizing, then you really need work.” _

_ “Can you give me a break?” Blair whined. _

_ “You told the student body and a ton of parents - not to mention several prestigious insitutitions, one in which happens to be your best friend’s dream school - that Serena was in rehab for substance abuse,” Haley said and Blair cringed. “Not to mention you did this only to find out later that it was in fact her brother, Eric, who was in rehab. For suicide watch. Which is just as bad because Serena willingly took the fall for that.”  _

_ “I didn’t know - ” _

_ “It doesn’t matter if you knew or not, Blair,” Haley cried. “At the end of the day, you outed her for something her family was trying really hard not to let the rest of the world know and you left Serena no other option but to take the fall lest everyone find out that her brother tried to - ” _

_ “I know.” Blair spoke with finality, apparently not willing to have her guilt - and that was what Haley was unfamiliar with, unabashed  _ guilt _ and from Blair, of all people - be piled on her. Haley pursed her lips, but her face softened despite herself. Blair took a breath, let it out slowly, and then her face crumbled. “I know and now I don’t know what to do.” _

_ “Do you want to make things work with Serena?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Then go do that,” Haley told her and ignored the unimpressed look Blair shot her. Sighing, Haley unfolded her arms and stretched back on her bed, palms flat on the comforter as she leaned back. “I’m not going to tell you to just forget what happened, but if you really want to be friends with her again, something’s gotta give, Blair, and that’s something’s gonna have to be you. And if you can come to me to tell me that you feel bad, then you can tell  _ her _ that. She  _ deserves _ that.” _

_ “What if it doesn’t work out?” Blair asked, voice small. _

_ “Then…then you work on it until it does,” she replied surely. “If it’s something that you genuinely care about - if being friends with Serena means that much to you - you’ll do whatever it takes to make it work with her.” Blair nodded, smile watery. _

_ “Ok.” Haley nodded in understanding, in finality. However, Blair didn’t move to leave just yet and Haley tilted her head again, curiously. “I talked to Nate earlier today. I forgot to say anything earlier…he passed his chemistry quiz.” _

_ Haley did know that. He’d told her at their dinner, beaming when she’d forgotten herself and hugged him something fierce. Haley had blushed and stammered afterwards, but then she’d been rushing him with praises and pride and had smugly stolen the last piece of naan from their table as he tried to brush her off, the tops of his cheeks burning bright and pink. _

_ “Yeah, he’s been doing really well,” Haley commented mildly, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lip. Blair’s own matched hers. _

_ “You’re good with him.” Haley shrugged, but Blair pressed on. “You are. I don’t know why Nate thinks he’s not good at anything when he is, but he’s always not done too well with science and he was so excited when he told me that he got a B.” Blair’s smile turned wistful, wider, before her eyes went rounder. “I probably…shouldn’t have attacked you like that in the cafe.” _

_ “Probably?” _

_ “Well, I mean…to be fair, you did lie to me about tutoring my boyfriend - ” _

_ “I did not lie,” Haley insisted. _

_ “Ummmm, omission of the truth is just the same as lying. You told me that,” Blair pointed out, smug.  _

_ “Which is why I told him to tell you - ” _

_ “And yet we both knew he wasn’t going to,” Blair stated. A beat later and they both were giggling, knowing grins on their faces that Haley wished she could want to take back.  _ It shouldn’t be this easy _ , she believed,  _ talking to Blair like it was last spring and they were in Blair’s bedroom, no pretenses between them, no posse nor hint of anyone spotting their burgeoning friendship _. And yet, it was. _

_ “You suck at apologies,” Haley decided to say. Blair let out an indignant noise, thought of it, and then decided to retort rather unimpressively: _

_ “Well…you…suck in general.” Haley snorted. _

_ “And just for that, moment over,” she teased, swiftly rising to her feet and decidedly ignoring Blair’s squawk of indignation when the impeccably-dressed girl noticed her approach. _

_ “You can’t just kick me out - ” _

_ “Well, since I suck so bad,” Haley began, “why don’t you leave so you can go suck at apologizing to Serena?” There was a huff of annoyed amusement that blew past Blair’s lips that made Haley grin despite the chagrined expression she was hopefully wearing. _

_ “Fine, maybe I will.” _

_ “Fine.” _

_ “Fine.” Blair stormed off in a huff and Haley didn’t bother following her out. The tail end of the wide smile that spread across the rich girl’s face just before she turned away had said all she needed to know. _

“Nathaniel.” 

The very familiar, very smarmy voice broke Haley from her reverie but she kept her head ducked down towards the notes she’d pulled up beside Nate’s math homework. It had not been hard to avoid Chuck Bass. Despite him being Nate’s best friend and being the one person Nate hung out with more than he did with his own girlfriend, Haley had managed to avoid him at all costs. It helped that Dan decking him a second time had made Chuck steer clear of Constance in general, her brother’s wiry form being a surprising wall of protection that even Chuck Bass didn’t feel like dealing with even though - had it been anyone else - Haley knew that Dan wouldn’t have stood a chance. 

“Chuck, I told you I wasn’t skipping school today,” Nate explained patiently, briefly casting Haley a wondering look she wouldn’t answer to. They had never talked about the Kiss On The Lips party and considering Nate didn’t seem all that uncomfortable with Chuck and Haley being in the same space - and maybe that spoke to Nate’s tolerance for his best friend’s decidedly shitty ways - Haley was sure he didn’t even know what really happened that night. “I wanted to catch up with Haley for a bit.”

Honey brown met dark, dark eyes.

“Well, if you wanted to mosey on down the slums to correspond with vermin,” Chuck said and Haley’s squawk of anger was drowned out by Nate’s chastising, “Chuck!” She narrowed her eyes at him and he returned it with the same amount of disdain, still talking, “I could have at least pointed you in the direction of…more  _ becoming _ accommodations.”

“Like brothels?” Haley inquired, wondering when she had taken in a bit of Blair’s vitriol when she continued, “Since that might be the only other place that could accommodate your string of venereal diseases.” Nate choked on something - air, maybe - and Chuck glowered. Not sparing the pretentious dick another second, Haley returned her gaze to Nate, softening. “Look, if you need me, just tell me. We can meet up just before the first bell on Tuesday in the tutoring center. Enjoy your weekend, Nate.” Swiftly, Haley gathered all of her things and stormed away.

She didn’t bother looking back to see Nate punching Chuck in the shoulder, displeased. It probably wouldn’t have mattered much to her anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Thoroughly amused, Blair snorted in amusement, causing Serena to shoot her an alarmed look. 

“Oh God, I forgot what it was like to be with you,” she declared on their stroll along Fifth Avenue, shaking her head as she ignored the two older men who damn near broke their necks to get another look at the magnificence that was Serena van der Woodsen. 

Blair knew that she was pretty. Her cheeks perhaps had more baby fat than she would have wanted and her height made it impossible to have the elegantly slender, leggy body that Serena was coveted for, but her dark, soft curls framed her shoulders quite nicely and she loved the shape of her lips. And she knew that her looks held an allure that could easily turn just as many heads…just not when Serena was around.

“No, they were looking at both of us.” Blair tried not to laugh at how confident her much taller friend truly was in her very inaccurate statement. 

“Don’t insult me,” Blair said. “It’s been like this all morning starting with your lovely visit with my mother. She didn’t even call me to tell me she was coming home.” Blair wasn’t hurt by it, not really. Eleanor did that a lot. She’d disappear for weeks at a time and then randomly appear at the penthouse, a wealth of “healthier” food options ready to be shoved in Blair’s face should she find her daughter worthy of the attention and even more distance despite being three rooms away. The thought made Blair pause, but Serena’s indignation proved impossible to ignore when combined with her eagerness to reassure. 

“Well, she was busy…sh-she was rushing to get home and everything…because she wanted to get home to you.” Blair could have kissed the blonde. This was why she missed her. Serena tried with all of her might to see the bright side of every part of Blair’s life and while Blair had no contention with admitting she lived a rather splendid life at that, she was cynical at heart - far more so than she would admit to being. Serena disliked dwelling on negative thoughts, hated the way it cramped her style or disrupted her sunny disposition. It was something she had always appreciated, coveted even. 

It was also, and she could only admit this to herself, why she had also learned to appreciate Haley’s realism, even when it made Blair cross with the other brunette. 

“She didn’t even wake me up,” Blair reminded her friend, trying to shake her head of the thoughts that seemingly liked to lead to her tutor, even as her feet - she realized, belatedly - were leading her on a very familiar path.

“Well, you know how Eleanor feels about beauty rest.” 

“She likes you more than me.” That apparently had been enough to get Serena to fully stop right then and there, a brief shadow of sadness passing over her face before she covered it up with a solemnity that made Blair want to coo and laugh at the same time, a warmth in her sternum that seeped so deeply into her bloodstream that it was impossible for her face not to smile. 

“She does not...sh - you’re her daughter,” Serena implored, staring down at her with eyes like the bright blue sky and hair as golden as the fickle sun that never knew if it wanted to just be a deceptive accessory in the sky or burn them all to a crisp. “She doesn’t like anyone more than you…she just - I don’t know - doesn’t know how to show it…sometimes.”

“Okay, I’m going inside. Wait for me, I’ll be right back,” she told the taller girl and stepped into the warmth that was Karen’s Cafe, hair whipping behind her as the door closed behind her amidst a stray gust of wind. 

It was busy even today, but then Blair wasn’t surprised. Just like she and Serena were out shopping, there were a bunch of like minded teen socialites doing the same, stopping every now and then to a cafe or lunch spot with their clique to sip on iced teas and take delicate bites of salads they all knew weren’t going to fill them up. As if to mock her, Blair’s stomach rumbled unpleasantly and she thought the hand she had placed over it had been discreet, unseen, but when she looked up, Haley was at the counter with a knowing glint in her eyes, hair pulled back into a ponytail with strands framing her face. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Blair snapped. “I don’t like that look.” Haley chortled, reaching underneath the counter space to get something. Another hand shot out over her shoulder to give a waiting customer their drink and Blair painted on a smile despite thinking them quite rude.

“I know you don’t, which is why I know you won’t like this,” she replied and pulled out a medium sized plastic cup of a chocolate concoction that was topped with what appeared to be sea salt, from what Blair could see from its plastic lid. A bright red stuck out from the very center of the cup. Blair cast the girl a very exasperated look.

“Tutor Girl!”

“Blair!” The studious brunette exclaimed in the same tone, extending the drink towards her. “Look, you even text me that you didn’t actually finish the parfait anyway and luckily for you, Karen even found a way to make you this with no dairy. There’s avocados, dark chocolate, coffee, and coconut water in this - just enough to fill you up and still be good for you. And you,” she stretched her arm until she pressed the drink into Blair’s chest, leaving her no choice but to grab it if she didn’t want the pressure to make any of it leak out onto her perfectly-picked outfit, “are  _ going _ to take it.” Blair glowered. 

Sometimes Blair hated that Haley knew about her…issues. It was actually something her mother and father argued about, the fact that Eleanor didn’t call it an eating disorder and in turn, neither did Blair. Never mind that Blair thought they argued more-so about one another’s shortcomings to hurt one another as opposed to talking about Blair since it was Blair’s problem, but bulimia nervosa was what Blair was diagnosed with and it was what she dealt with. Even though Haley would disagree.

Haley had not been supposed to find out. Serena didn’t even know. But Blair had snapped at Haley because the tutor had asked why Blair always fed her and never tried to eat with her, and then Dorota - the traitor - whispered it to Haley. Before Blair knew it, the other brunette was checking in if she ate, catching her sometimes in the bathroom at school, not saying anything, but her unspoken disappointment loud enough to make Blair want to vomit all over again. Sometimes, she hated that Haley knew, sometimes she did not.

“I hate you,” Blair declared and took a dramatized sip that only served to make Haley beam triumphantly. Blair hated that the smoothie was absolutely decadent. Karen was apparently experimenting up here; she had access to ingredients that weren’t so common in North Carolina for Blair could taste the Medjool dates that burst forth just beneath the domineering force of chocolate.

“Sure, you do.” Still grinning, Haley nodded to something over Blair’s shoulder and she looked back only to see Serena outside the cafe, golden hair being flipped over her shoulder as Dan made eyes at the blonde. “You should probably go steal her away before Dan does.”

“Gross,” Blair exclaimed. “I can see his drool from all the way over here.” Haley choked out a laugh.

“That’s my brother!” Blair peered at her from underneath her lashes, taking another sip of the smoothie she really wasn’t trying to like so much.

“I know,” she replied. “And I’m so sorry.” Shaking her head, Haley pointed towards the door.

“Just go!” Blair laughed lightly and headed towards the door, not reaching it before Haley added, “And drink more or else.” Blair shot her a petulant grin over her shoulder before walking out the glass door, telling herself she’d throw the smoothie away as it was filling enough in her mouth that her stomach would shut up for a least a few hours.

And then promptly cursed Haley - and Karen too - for making it too scrumptious to even consider throwing it away…or share when Serena tried to sneak a sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if you remember what this episode consists of, you know that I didn't include everything. I will.


End file.
